Veterans Day 2013

                                                                                                                                              

     I have not let a day that honors our military go by without some kind of commentary.  I was thinking of what I could add that was not stated before.  Today, on the CBS Sunday Morning show, I saw this story about wounded warriors finding a sense of peace through music.

      Watch this story and you will feel the depth of their pain, struggle, and motivation to live.  On this Veterans Day, thank you is only the beginning of what we owe these brave men and women.  There is nothing I can add to the words of the veterans themselves, and maybe that is the way it should be.

http://youtu.be/b2QBOK1nFL4

The Main Purpose of a 911 Call

     The State of Connecticut’s Freedom of Information commission has ordered the town of Newtown to release the 911 calls they received on the day of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.  The purpose of obtaining these calls is to decide if their content should be made available to the public.  There has been opposition by the families of the victims and their supporters, for this material to be accessible to anyone seeking a request.  Included in this concern are photos depicting the scene after the tragedy.   For years now, 911 calls and crime scene photos have made their way into mainstream media and the internet.  We are taught to call 911 only when there is a true emergency to report.  Dispatchers then notify the appropriate personnel to the scene. The purpose of the call is to alert police, fire, and medical responders, not for the media, print, or internet reporting.

     As the years have gone by, more and more of these calls have been played on network news and talk shows.  The fear, anxiety, and sense of helplessness often is heard as the individual at the end of the phone line is reaching out for assistance.   One is often left to wonder what purpose is gained by hearing these voices in distress.   Does it help in any way?  Does it make us understand the trauma those individuals suffered?  Do seeing pictures of victims give us, the public, any more information?  There are reports that some of the first responders at the scene of the shooting are suffering from mental stress.  What benefit will they, the families, and the public obtain from seeing the images or hearing those cries for help.  This is not one  of the many nightly dramas that opens each episode with a horrific crime scene.  What happened is real, with real people, affecting real lives.  The effects don’t end in an hour, but are everlasting.

     We as a public are not privy to everything.  We abide by doctor-patient confidentiality.  Clergy do not have to report information shared from a member of their congregation.   The names and pictures of juveniles are not reported in regards to a variety of issues.  The identity of abuse victims are not revealed in the press or other media.   The media themselves are protected from exposing sources in the reporting of a story.

     Does this really have to be debated?  Do the families, already dealing with an impossible amount of grief, have to spend time fighting to have calls and photos blocked?   What are we possibly going to find out that we already don’t know?   It doesn’t change what happened.   The images that remain with us should be the smiling faces of the beautiful, innocent children and the 6 caring adults who lost their life on that day.   The information in those calls and in those pictures should be restricted to law enforcement and the courts.   The victims and their families have rights too, and their rights should be respected.  May they be granted the peace they deserve.

Supporting Business in Sandy Hook

     My daughter had to buy a present to attend the birthday party of a classmate.  When I asked what she thought the little girl would like, she came up with a gift that involved creating fashion designs.  When asked where I could purchase this item, my daughter told me she saw it in the toy store in Sandy Hook.   Yes, that Sandy Hook, the town reluctantly known all over the world due to a terrible and tragic event.  So, last Friday, for the second time since that fateful day, I drove to Newtown.

     I didn’t go when the throngs of media and people offering their condolences ascended on the streets of a small intersection.  Having once lived in the area, I knew that the scene would be overwhelming.  Instead I chose to pray, offer a financial donation, and deal with the heartache and disbelief that carries on to this day.  A few weeks later, when the reporters and crowds left town, I took my girls to the place they have been getting their haircut for years, Fun Kuts.   Marci, the owner and her staff are wonderful, caring, and great with kids.  Afterwards, we went to The Toy Tree which is next door.   Even though it was early afternoon, the area seemed eerily quiet.

     Last Friday, I returned to The Toy Tree to purchase the gift, and bought more than I had intended.  It is a wonderful store with many items not found in big box toy stores.  I knew my girls would like what I purchased, and I felt it was a small way to help the owner.  Leaving the store, I noticed that the street wasn’t lined with parked cars as in the past, and once again, that quietness was there.  Much to my dismay, the coffee shop around the corner had closed.  This was another business that I had frequented over the years.  Was I imagining it, or are people staying away?

     When the shooting first happened, swarms of people and media flooded the streets of Newtown.  People and reporters from far and wide blocked the roads and sidewalks. So many individuals expressed publicly their concern in the immediate aftermath, but how many have returned to show support?   The businesses suffered a loss which the state is attempting to make up to them.  What the businesses in Sandy Hook, and town of Newtown on a whole need, is for the residents of surrounding towns to shop in their stores, and eat in their restaurants.  There is no reason to stay away.  Actions speak louder than words.

   This is not a call for the streets to be overwhelmed with visitors, rather a day-to-day flow of traffic that will help these businesses keep their doors open.  The owners dealt with the crowds and visitors in a caring and respectful manner.  They have passed on messages and items to the families, and have remained strong.  Newtown as a whole has handled the tragedy with a spirit of strength, dignity, compassion, and love.   We need to let them know that they have our support, admiration, and a place in our hearts that will never go away.  Your presence will let them know.

We Don’t Need Lance for Inspiration

     I always wondered about Lance Armstrong.   I thought he must have been a medical marvel to win the Tour de France within 2 years of being considered cancer-free.    I didn’t understand how anyone who had endured surgeries, and heavy doses of chemotherapy, could come back so quickly after treatment.  Sure, he was a trained athlete and I do believe in mind over matter, but this seemed so incredible that I among others, wanted so badly to believe.   Why did I have these reservations?  I am a cancer survivor.

     In the summer of 1995, I heard those words.  “You have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”   There was a brief period when there was suspicion that I had Leukemia as well, but biopsies proved that wrong.   I felt sad for a week.  When I heard that I had an 80% chance of survival, my head changed gears.   My whole thought process was to move forward, do what I had to do, and stay positive.   Twelve rounds of chemo, and a month of radiation followed.  That was 18 years ago and with a few bumps since, I am still here.

     People who knew me then know most of the story.  I have been reluctant to tell people I have met since that I am a survivor.  Partly I don’t want it to define me; partly I don’t like the look most people give when they find out.  It is a mixture of pity and sadness.   I have now decided it is up to survivors to let others know that there are many who have battled various forms of cancer, and have lived to tell about it.

     On a follow-up appointment, my oncologist asked if I would allow a resident doctor sit in on the visit.  The reason was that the medical field was having trouble attracting  physicians into the field of oncology.  He stated that new doctors only see the most ill in hospitals.  They don’t see the ones who regain their health, build up their strength, grow back their hair, and go on to live happy and productive lives.  Of course I said yes.  Now I am telling the world.   There are many among the masses that provide inspiration and support.  We don’t need an athlete, entertainer, or politician to do it for us.  Our heroes are the doctors, nurses, and technicians who provide quality care, comfort, and a high degree of dedication to their patients.

     The saddest part of Lance’s story is that he was already a winner.  He could have come in dead last and still would have been an inspiration.  His story could have been promoted and his foundation would have flourished.  I don’t accept his rationalization that cancer made him do what he did.   Cancer doesn’t turn you into a liar, cheater, or someone who hurts people.   Cancer changes your life in a way that is unexplainable to others.   It builds an appreciation of the small things.  It teaches you not to sweat the small stuff.  It opens your eyes to the fact that time is ticking. There are so many others who were not as fortunate to have that second chance.   Life is short.  It is the obligation of all survivors to live life as best we can, and lead the way for more to hear the words…”Congratulations. You are in remission.”