Talk to the Elderly

     Recently, my husband and I took our daughters to the movies.  Afterwards, we went for pizza at a very well-known establishment.   We were seated after waiting 30 minutes in the lobby.  Once we were settled and gave our order, I noticed an elderly couple sitting diagonal from us.  It seemed every time I looked up, they were staring at us and neither was speaking.  A small wall divided our tables so I couldn’t see the rest of their party.  Eventually, a man I assumed was their son stood up, followed by three boys around the ages of 10 to 12.   Two teenage girls also appeared.  I then knew why the elderly couple wasn’t talking.

     Each of the boys was holding their own tablet, and both girls had earphones attached to either a phone of other device. They were probably so involved in their own virtual world, that none of them took the time to talk to the people sitting directly in front of them.  I felt sorry for this couple. They are of a generation where being “social” means going out, having fun, and making memories.  The word “media” is not part of the scenario.

     I was lucky enough to have known my grandparents and other relatives for a good part of my life.  What I remember most are the conversations.  They were filled stories that only come with a lifetime of experience.  They provided lessons in history as seen from the eyes of people who had lived it.  There are conversations fondly remembered because of humor and laughter.  None of it recorded except in the recesses of my mind.  The place, the time, and the experience lived again as if it were yesterday.

     My opinion concerning electronics has been stated before in other posts.  I am not against them, and understand they serve a need.  But why has it become a substitute for interaction?  Why does it have to go everywhere and be present at every moment?  Some day in the future, these kids will not have the opportunity to talk to their grandparents.  What will they remember?

Inspiration Comes from Talent

Cover via Amazon

     My 11-year- old daughter has been bitten by the stage bug.  For some time now, she has stated that she wants to be a performer when she grows up.   It isn’t about fame, but the pure enjoyment of being on stage.   In her young mind, the best situation would be to perform and still be able to walk around without being harassed.   That is not the case with some of her peers.  She has already experienced kids her age dropping out of shows and choruses if they don’t get a major part.  She has seen kids who dance studio hop if they don’t appear to be labeled the star.   Recently we had an insightful conversation centering on the theme of accepting the role you are given, and enjoying the experience of being part of something.   What stunned me was the source she quoted as an inspiration.

     We were in the car (of course), talking about the above topic, when she stated the following.

“The lady on the TV said that if you don’t have expectations, then you are never disappointed.”

I answered….”Who said that?”

“The lady….. the lady from Singing in the Rain.”

     One of my favorite shows is CBS Sunday Morning.  I have watched this show for many years.  It is a wonderful mix of current events, art, music, science, celebrity, small towns, big cities, and stories of hope.   The interview my daughter was referring of course was that of Debbie Reynolds who starred in among others, one of the most beloved movies of all time.  A movie that will live on for the enjoyment of generations to come.

     A triple threat, she could act, sing, and dance.  She became famous because of her talent.  I was touched that a young girl listened to a seasoned and acclaimed performer and understood her message.  I was glad that someone of this stature made an impression on my daughter and not someone closer to her own age who feels the need to take their clothes off and dance provocatively to make “history”.   History is made by greatness, and greatness has a means of passing on something to hold onto, whatever my daughter grows up to be.

 

Learning to Let Go

Worry (Photo credit: StormKatt)

     I am 40 minutes from my home.  My daughter is rehearsing for a show at a theatre down the road this week.   I am waiting out the time by shopping in nearby stores and finding places to sit.   Right now I am in Panera Bread where I just had dinner and am taking advantage of free Wi-Fi.   This is something I would have never done years ago.   I was too self-conscious to sit by myself among strangers.   But years have passed.  I have grown older, wiser, and no longer care.

     In a conversation with my youngest sister, I told her there will come a day when you will stop being concerned about what people say to or about you.  I used to be a worrier.  I worried about school, work, money, having friends, my weight, the weather…you get it.  The reality is we can only control so much.  Sometimes things are what they are and nothing we say or do will change it.

     I’m not talking about social issues or concerns.  There are a number of causes that people need to continue working towards to find better solutions.  Rather I am referring to petty comments or the constant comparing that some people feel the need to promote.   Many of these people don’t really care about you or your situation, but for some reason it makes them feel better to express a sense of superiority or envy.  Some even make a contest out of who has it worse.  You had the flu…they had it worse.   You went without electricity for 9 days….they didn’t have cable.   I would be rich if I could cash in on the number of times people have stated how lucky I am.

     There are people who have been a dealt a difficult hand, and life is hard for them.   I have no doubt that in some ways I have been fortunate in life.  But luck had nothing to do with everything I achieved.  Hard work, determination, sacrifice, and perseverance are the forces that ultimately determined the life I lead.  I have had my share of ups and downs, some difficult, some easy, some strange, some miraculous.  All has led to a peacefulness that I did not have in my younger days.  So to anyone who is fearful of getting older I say, rejoice, soon you will be able to let go of what amounts to nonsense. When the voices of others, or even your own fills your head, you will be able to say to yourself…..I just don’t care.  You might even smile.

Hiding Behind a User Name

      I was taught if you can’t say something nice about a person, don’t say anything at all.  That rule of courtesy doesn’t always seem to apply for some when making comments online.  I have noticed many people, who speak in the harshest of tone, don’t use their real name. I understand privacy is an online right, but what is alarming is how vicious and close-minded some of the statements are.  If an individual feels they have the right to speak their minds, then they should be willing to identify themselves.   Hiding behind a user name is an excuse to spew out vile, mean, and ridiculous comments that only serve to offend, ridicule, and make fun of people or situations.

    What is interesting is the choice of some of these names.   Some name themselves after places or feelings.  Others use the names of fictional characters.  Others pick descriptive phrases that pertain to an issue or situation.  I am alarmed at what some of these hiders say when they are anonymous.  It is an insight into what people really think in society.  I don’t care that they have an opinion.  It doesn’t bother me if they say something I don’t agree with.  What I don’t like is the degree to which they will go to comment.   Individuals will rip apart the appearance, ethnic, racial, religion, or sexual orientation of people involved in the topic.  They will make hurtful or sarcastic remarks that have nothing to do with the issue being discussed.   Some users will actually engage in online road rage and go back and forth with insults.

     I have the choice not to read comments or participate in an online discussion.  What I wonder is how many of these people are adults with children.  Do they speak this way within earshot of their kids?  Are they having discussions with other adults thinking that their children aren’t listening?  Do they shout at the television or in the car when they see or hear something they don’t like?  Do they insult others on a regular basis?  Believe me, kids hear and see everything.  You make think they aren’t listening, but those little ears are taking it all in.

     I often tell my daughters that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and thoughts.  What some people like, others will not.  Everyone has the right to do what they choose as long as they don’t hurt anyone.  We often think about children and teenagers when discussing the topic of bullying.  In reality, it is around us all every day.  Society has to learn to listen, talk, share, and discuss issues without shouting, name-calling, and tearing into people with whom we disagree.  So much more could be accomplished, and more people would exist in a happier environment.  Try using your real name when making comments and it might make you think twice about what you really want to say.

An Opinion on Bullying

This week, a tragedy unfolded at a high school  in Ohio.  It has left many questioning the motive of a young man who violently took the lives of 3 innocent victims.  Questions might never be  answered for many who wonder why such acts occur, and why so many young people are turning to such drastic measures as a method of dealing with their emotions.  The subject of bullying comes up over and over again.  The focus on this problem has been explored by the media, schools, and mental health experts.  It has reached the concern and the involvement of the White House.  What more can we do to help not only the victim of bullying, but the bullies themselves?  Just calling attention to the problem is not enough.  We have to take stronger actions to improve the reality of these young people so that incidents like this do not occur again.

It doesn’t take a psychologist to notice a kid that is the outcast. When I was teaching, I could tell on day one of a new school year, the students that were not part of an acceptable group. They were quiet loners who no one wanted to talk to, work with, or be friends. That was years ago and since then, the internet and social networking has exacerbated the problem. I read seen a number of reports by experts who give advice on how to handle a bully.  It ranges from ignoring, to shouting at them, to not allowing them to have power over the victim.  This might seem doable, but when a kid is the target of an individual or group of tormenters, this type of action is not going to make them back down.   More likely it will cause a ramping up of the negative behavior, causing the victim to feel an increase in depression and helplessness.   If we really think about it, why should any child have to handle a bully?

The bully needs to be the target of change.   This is a person in need of rehabilitation and behavior modification.  They have to be counseled to understand that their actions unacceptable, and will not be tolerated.  Parents need to accept the fact that their offspring is causing another human being a significant amount of pain.  Although filled with bravado, the bully is often a child who feels insecure, neglected, and in desperate need of attention.  Ironically those are exactly the same feelings experienced by their victim.

We are living in difficult times, but our kids demand our attention. Everyone needs to feel wanted, validated, and encouraged. We need to get more students involved in activities that promote their talents and interests like work – give your kid a movingquote.co moving quote calculator and send him on his way to get a job.   The school, places of worship, libraries, organized clubs, music, dance, art, sports, etc., all allow kids to feel like they belong to something. They become contributing members of a group that accepts them. It doesn’t cost anything to volunteer, and the rewards can be tremendous. If we show kids a better use of their time,  they won’t be so involved in negative behavior, and  more of them will be happy.  Once again, adults have the responsibility to lead the way.

Late Teens, Early 20s are Years of Transition

Whitney Houston’s passing brought an onslaught of media reports reflecting on her meteoric rise to fame, as well as the demons that caused her much sorrow.    What stood out to me was just how young she was when the recording, touring, magazine covers, talk shows, and papparazi became part of her daily life.  Regardless of her family connections to the world of music, she was still a young girl from Newark, NJ who was singing in her church.  It has been reported that she performed on stage a number of times as a backup singer or with her relatives, but she wasn’t thrust into the spotlight as she was when her career began.  I wonder how her life might have turned out if she had more time to grow and mature.  If she had time to figure out who she was, and what she wanted for herself and her future.

I remember being 18 years old and thinking I knew everything.  The adults that were in my life didn’t know what they were talking about, and that I was fully grown.  It wasn’t until I hit the age of 25 that I realized I hadn’t known squat at that age.  The late teens and early 20s are years when young people are still trying to figure out who they are,  and where they are going.  Values and interests are still developing.  There are many times when confusion and decision-making takes over their lives.  Somewhere between childhood and adulthood is this period  when the individual is mapping out their hopes, dreams, career, and stability.   I believe many young people suffer when they are not allowed the freedom to find out where they fit.   They need time to think, make mistakes, change their minds, and decide for themselves what they want from life.  They need  to hang out with friends, get trained, educated, and learn what it is to be a responsible adult slowly.  Forcing them into a life of constant chaos does not give them the opportunity to create their future.

Now is a difficult time for young people to live the American dream.  Jobs are scarce and expenses are high.  The goal is for young people to prosper and become independent.  For some that might take longer than others.  The one thing that they all have is time.  Whitney would have been as good a singer at 25, as she was at 17.   Maybe she would have been just as happy singing in her church, as on the world stage.  She should have been given more time to grow up and decide.  The world could have waited.