The Housework Aerobic Workout

     Thirty years ago, Jane Fonda came out with her first workout video.   It became a sensation.  Every woman over 30 wanted to look like Jane.  Aerobic exercise was all the rage, and people started flocking to gyms to get themselves fit and trim.  My mother watched all this with great interest.  Having 5 kids, she did more than her share of housework.   Her statement at the time was….”I don’t have to do aerobics.  I run up and down those stairs a million times a day!”  Now that I am in her position, I know exactly what she means.

     I have it easy compared to my mother.  I only have 2 children, and appliances have gotten more advanced in terms of cleaning.   That doesn’t mean I enjoy it, but there is less scrubbing and rinsing than I remember when I was young.   Still, there is a certain amount of energy and movement that is required for doing these chores.  Lifting, bending, pushing, and stretching are what this body of mine experiences every day.

     I have tried many forms of exercise.   My past workouts consisted mostly of swimming and walking, but I also have lifted weights, used machines, and have done some yoga.   I was in the best shape of my life when my girls were babies and toddlers.  Your arms and abs get fully toned from lifting baby carriers, and taking kids in and out of car seats, shopping carriages, cribs, etc.   You are constantly running after them when they learn to walk.  Now that they are older, the lifting has stopped (not the running), but the work goes on.  Bathrooms, kitchens, laundry, cooking, food shopping, being a taxi never ends, and never goes on vacation.

     I once had a doctor ask me what I did for exercise.  At the time, I was walking the dog 2 miles a day, and taking yoga classes.   HE didn’t seem satisfied with my answer and kept pressing for more.  I finally said…”I never sit.”  That ended of the conversation.  I still walk the dog, try to fit in yoga, and yes, I still do housework.  This being a long winter, the snow blower became my best friend, and I used the shovel so much that my arms didn’t hurt after the third storm.

     I often see groups of women running up and down Main Street where I live.  They have on the all the gear, headbands, running shoes, and seem to do it every day.  They are in perfect shape and look good even when exercising.   But to all the moms out there, who feel they should do more to stay fit, don’t worry about it.  You are all beautiful.  Years later, Jane admitted to surgery.  Take out that vacuum, run up and down those stairs, and know you are great the way you are.

The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Talk to the Elderly

     Recently, my husband and I took our daughters to the movies.  Afterwards, we went for pizza at a very well-known establishment.   We were seated after waiting 30 minutes in the lobby.  Once we were settled and gave our order, I noticed an elderly couple sitting diagonal from us.  It seemed every time I looked up, they were staring at us and neither was speaking.  A small wall divided our tables so I couldn’t see the rest of their party.  Eventually, a man I assumed was their son stood up, followed by three boys around the ages of 10 to 12.   Two teenage girls also appeared.  I then knew why the elderly couple wasn’t talking.

     Each of the boys was holding their own tablet, and both girls had earphones attached to either a phone of other device. They were probably so involved in their own virtual world, that none of them took the time to talk to the people sitting directly in front of them.  I felt sorry for this couple. They are of a generation where being “social” means going out, having fun, and making memories.  The word “media” is not part of the scenario.

     I was lucky enough to have known my grandparents and other relatives for a good part of my life.  What I remember most are the conversations.  They were filled stories that only come with a lifetime of experience.  They provided lessons in history as seen from the eyes of people who had lived it.  There are conversations fondly remembered because of humor and laughter.  None of it recorded except in the recesses of my mind.  The place, the time, and the experience lived again as if it were yesterday.

     My opinion concerning electronics has been stated before in other posts.  I am not against them, and understand they serve a need.  But why has it become a substitute for interaction?  Why does it have to go everywhere and be present at every moment?  Some day in the future, these kids will not have the opportunity to talk to their grandparents.  What will they remember?

Learning to Let Go

Worry (Photo credit: StormKatt)

     I am 40 minutes from my home.  My daughter is rehearsing for a show at a theatre down the road this week.   I am waiting out the time by shopping in nearby stores and finding places to sit.   Right now I am in Panera Bread where I just had dinner and am taking advantage of free Wi-Fi.   This is something I would have never done years ago.   I was too self-conscious to sit by myself among strangers.   But years have passed.  I have grown older, wiser, and no longer care.

     In a conversation with my youngest sister, I told her there will come a day when you will stop being concerned about what people say to or about you.  I used to be a worrier.  I worried about school, work, money, having friends, my weight, the weather…you get it.  The reality is we can only control so much.  Sometimes things are what they are and nothing we say or do will change it.

     I’m not talking about social issues or concerns.  There are a number of causes that people need to continue working towards to find better solutions.  Rather I am referring to petty comments or the constant comparing that some people feel the need to promote.   Many of these people don’t really care about you or your situation, but for some reason it makes them feel better to express a sense of superiority or envy.  Some even make a contest out of who has it worse.  You had the flu…they had it worse.   You went without electricity for 9 days….they didn’t have cable.   I would be rich if I could cash in on the number of times people have stated how lucky I am.

     There are people who have been a dealt a difficult hand, and life is hard for them.   I have no doubt that in some ways I have been fortunate in life.  But luck had nothing to do with everything I achieved.  Hard work, determination, sacrifice, and perseverance are the forces that ultimately determined the life I lead.  I have had my share of ups and downs, some difficult, some easy, some strange, some miraculous.  All has led to a peacefulness that I did not have in my younger days.  So to anyone who is fearful of getting older I say, rejoice, soon you will be able to let go of what amounts to nonsense. When the voices of others, or even your own fills your head, you will be able to say to yourself…..I just don’t care.  You might even smile.

Moving on Through Life

                                                                                                                                          

      My daughter is “graduating” from elementary school.   Her feelings are bittersweet.  She loves her school and has had a wonderful experience, but she is excited to be moving on to middle school.    She stated hopefully middle and high school won’t go too fast so I don’t have to attend so many graduations.  My thoughts were more along the line of not having to see her grow up too fast.

     Like most parents, some of the deepest conversations happen in the car.  For only being 11 years old, she is able to comprehend the meaning of many topics I discuss with her.  The main point stressed in this recent talk was to enjoy the stage you find yourself living at the moment.  Being young is great.  It is fun, exciting, and full of energy, but life doesn’t stop at a certain age.  I have known people well into their 80’s, even 90’s that were still having a great time.

      There are bumps along the way.  There are challenges that are sad and/or difficult.  There will be periods of uncertainty, confusion, and disbelief.  The key is to keep looking forward and find a way to change what is not working.  To work towards increasing the comfort and happiness in living a good life.  To surround ourselves with people who are good for us, and constantly take a chance of trying something new.

     My daughter is 11.  I don’t expect her to understand all the challenges and experiences that lie before her, but I do want her to know that change isn’t a bad thing.  People waste too much time worrying and fretting about getting older.  There is nothing any of us can do about it, so live the age you are now.  To everyone who is moving on, remember the past, enjoy the present, and look to the future with an eager and happy heart.  You only go around once.

I Went to Disney World!

     A few weeks ago, during the April school break, my family went to Disney World.   Many families we know have already been, some multiple times.   For us the timing never seemed to be right, and we wanted to wait until both of our girls were old enough to handle the whole experience.  This year the schedules lined up, and we went.  I have never been before and didn’t really know what to expect.  I now understand why they call it the happiest place on earth.

   I booked the plane tickets last summer.  Flying out of the northeast during spring break made this essential.  We decided not to stay in the park.  I know, I know….people say this is a mistake but we had our reasons.  First, my youngest daughter has an internal alarm clock which wakes her up at 6 A.M. no matter how late she stays up the night before.  I knew there was no way we would be up until 10:30 to see fireworks.  Second, the cost of the trip drops significantly by staying outside the park.  I got a great deal through Costco for lodging, tickets to the park, and a car.  We had a 2 bath, 2 bedroom timeshare, with a kitchen, laundry, pools, and other activities.  We were close to the parks, but came home every day to peace and quiet.

     I didn’t plan for the entire year as so many say you have to do.  We decided what we definitely wanted to do, and what we could skip, but I didn’t have an itinerary for every minute. We also decided we could live without character meals and princess spas.  My days of be anxious and worried are over.  We didn’t find it hard to get around, or have the time to do what we wanted.  I think you actually have more fun if you aren’t so worked up about where you need to be. I am also glad that my kids were not so young as to become overly tired, and overwhelmed with the crowd, the volume at the shows, the walking, and the heat.

    We went to the parks 4 days.  We went once to Hollywood Studios, twice to the Magic Kingdom, and once to Animal Kingdom.  We decided Epcot will be visited on a future trip. Going to Disney provides a great opportunity for observing human behavior.  They have crowd control down to a science. Parking lots are not filled with people trying to find the nearest spot.  You drive in and they have you park in an orderly manner.  No choice, no stopping, pull in, get out, and walk to the tram.  Lines for rides and shows have wait times posted.  If you decide to wait, you walk along the maze.  The fact that it keeps moving makes you feel like you are getting somewhere which eliminates the frustration many feel in traffic jams.  The staff is friendly and helpful.  Everyone is smiling which is infectious.  Imagine having pleasant conversations with strangers all day.  Imagine how society could benefit from that.

     The rides are what most people talk about, but the exhibits, shows, characters in the street, parades, marching bands add so much to the experience.  Some is educational, some is pure fun.  The second day in the Magic Kingdom brought back so much of my childhood when Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy were the only characters we knew.  Music, laughs, and stories come to life.  It all lifts the spirit and leaves you looking for more.

     It happened to be the week of the Boston Marathon bombings.  Many people from the northeast had the incident in the back of their minds.  It reminded us that it is important to have experiences that are fun-filled and happy.  It is important to create memories that will last a life time, and that time spent with family will never be forgotten.  My kids had a wonderful time, and my husband and I enjoyed seeing Disney through their eyes.  For one glorious week, the world around us was totally happy.

There Is No App for Shoveling

     Lost and need to find your way?  There is an app for that.   Need to find cheap gasoline?  There is an app for that.  Want to find out what time the movie starts and buy tickets?  There is an app for that.  Want to make dinner reservations?  There is an app for that.   Want to remove 3 feet of snow from your driveway, or shovel your walk?  WHAT?  No app?  What am I going to do?  How will I survive without being able to remedy this situation immediately?  In other words, what has happened to patience and understanding when circumstance is greater than expected?  This past week brought back the reality of not everything being instantly gratified, and not any one person being more important than the other.

     Years ago I lived in a condo complex.  We had a storm that dumped quite a bit of snow in one big wallop. The wind made huge drifts against the cars in my section.  As if that wasn’t enough, the plow packed it up against vehicles building a wall of snow and ice.  Although I had a shovel, I didn’t have the physical strength at the time to dig myself out.  When the storm ended, everyone ventured out of their units to begin the cleanup.  Someone asked to borrow my shovel so that he could clear out his and his wife’s car.  After he was finished, without my asking, he cleared away the snow around mine.  In return, I cleaned the snow off about a dozen cars.  People were smiling, happy, telling jokes, and enjoying the satisfaction of helping others.

     That experience has stayed with me and I have retold the story many times.  I was so grateful for people, in a situation of inconvenience, being there to help.  This week, I saw the same story played out many times on the news.  People in several communities worked together to dig out neighbors, the elderly, schools, and numerous cars. Imagine what could be accomplished if people found a way to help each other on regular basis.

     We live in a world of instantaneous results.  We have forgotten to wait our turn, help our neighbor, and just plain talk to people.  A kind word and a helping hand can go a long way in the emotional well-being of so many.  Something as basic as the use of a shovel can create a great feeling of accomplishment.  Having to wait for the guy who has been plowing for hours, make us appreciate him even more when he arrives on our street or at our home.  In one report, a young man in New Haven, CT, who had been shoveling a good part of the day commented, “It’s all about community.”  How true.  There is no app for that.

Footnote:  I don’t own a phone with apps so I may be wrong in my listings.  I’m sure someone will let me know differently if I am.  : )   Thanks.  Angela