The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Once a Teacher…..

     Once upon a time, many years ago, I was a teacher.   I went on maternity leave after my first was born with the idea that at some point I would return to the classroom.   Two years later, I had another child and the idea of going back to work was put on the back burner.  I finally realized that as an older mom, with some past medical issues, I just didn’t have the energy to pull off the demands of teaching and raising my 2 girls.  Fortunately my husband’s income is enough for us to live on.   I have volunteered in the elementary school for the past few years, but there has always the gnawing feeling of wanting to do more.  I toyed with the various ways I could volunteer in the community, and finally decided on the best fit for me.  I have become a Literacy Volunteer.

     I was a high school science teacher, but reading is a whole new subject.  I have finished the training and am only beginning this new experience.   What is enjoyable is realizing that all the training and skill I acquired during my working days has risen to the surface.   It has been there all along, lying dormant, waiting for an opportunity.  The planning of a lesson, and deciding on what methods to use, has awoken all the abilities I possessed as a classroom teacher.  It has been a reminder of why I became a teacher in the first place.   It was always to help individuals realize their true potential and to guide them towards a productive future.

     Confidentiality is required in the process.   I would never share personal information, so I will not be giving any specific updates.  My hope is that I can help people better theirs lives by improving their ability to read and write.   Those who dedicate their lives to teaching are not in it for the pay, the hours, awards, or recognition. They do it because they understand the value of an education and how it can better the lives of future generations.   They do it because they have compassion, patience, dedication, and revel in the joy of learning.   It doesn’t matter if the student load is 20, 100, or in my case 1.   An individual, who becomes a teacher, is a teacher for life. It is a vocation and calling that is more than just a job.  I have come to understand the reality of once you become a teacher, you will always be a teacher.  I am happy for the return.

Inspiration Comes from Talent

Cover via Amazon

     My 11-year- old daughter has been bitten by the stage bug.  For some time now, she has stated that she wants to be a performer when she grows up.   It isn’t about fame, but the pure enjoyment of being on stage.   In her young mind, the best situation would be to perform and still be able to walk around without being harassed.   That is not the case with some of her peers.  She has already experienced kids her age dropping out of shows and choruses if they don’t get a major part.  She has seen kids who dance studio hop if they don’t appear to be labeled the star.   Recently we had an insightful conversation centering on the theme of accepting the role you are given, and enjoying the experience of being part of something.   What stunned me was the source she quoted as an inspiration.

     We were in the car (of course), talking about the above topic, when she stated the following.

“The lady on the TV said that if you don’t have expectations, then you are never disappointed.”

I answered….”Who said that?”

“The lady….. the lady from Singing in the Rain.”

     One of my favorite shows is CBS Sunday Morning.  I have watched this show for many years.  It is a wonderful mix of current events, art, music, science, celebrity, small towns, big cities, and stories of hope.   The interview my daughter was referring of course was that of Debbie Reynolds who starred in among others, one of the most beloved movies of all time.  A movie that will live on for the enjoyment of generations to come.

     A triple threat, she could act, sing, and dance.  She became famous because of her talent.  I was touched that a young girl listened to a seasoned and acclaimed performer and understood her message.  I was glad that someone of this stature made an impression on my daughter and not someone closer to her own age who feels the need to take their clothes off and dance provocatively to make “history”.   History is made by greatness, and greatness has a means of passing on something to hold onto, whatever my daughter grows up to be.

 

Ahhh…..Summer

     Get up.  Get dressed.  Eat your breakfast.  Did you brush your teeth and comb your hair? Make your bed?   Did you put your lunch in your backpack?  Do I have to sign anything?  Do you have your homework and books?  Let’s get down to the bus stop.  The school day starts.

     Get off the bus or get picked up.   Some days involve after-school activities.  All have homework that needs to get done.  Have a snack, do homework, eat dinner, read, brush teeth, go to bed.  The school day ends.  (This is the abbreviated version.)

     This is just a small sample of a typical day of a child who goes to school.  While often fun, it has moments of being hectic and tiring.  There are some educational experts who promote the benefits of year round schooling.  While there is little doubt that many would gain from learning on a continual basis, there is much to be said for the few months of reprieve that the summer offers.

     Even though there are still some activities to attend, they don’t start so early in the day.  The pace is slower and relaxed. There is more time to spend swimming, hiking, playing games, and attending outdoor events.  There is time to read books for enjoyment. There is time to visit local farms, museums, small towns and big cities.  There is time to spend with your kids that doesn’t involve being constantly in the car or trying to get all that is required done.

     Summer remains a season for all ages.  Despite the heat, many people have wonderful memories of summers past.  Everyone seems to have childhood experiences and events they fondly remember.  It can be as simple as going out for their favorite ice cream, or a big vacation they took one year.  There are graduation parties, weddings, and family reunions.  Some remember jobs or internships.  Mostly, we remember the days of warmer temperatures, gardens, beaches, barbecues, and the long days of sunlight that lifts our spirit.

     Summer is a season of simplicity.  It brings people out and together and allows time for what the rest of the year doesn’t seem to allow.   No matter how what you do, have fun, stay cool, and make those memories that last a lifetime.  September will be here before you know it.

Moving on Through Life

                                                                                                                                          

      My daughter is “graduating” from elementary school.   Her feelings are bittersweet.  She loves her school and has had a wonderful experience, but she is excited to be moving on to middle school.    She stated hopefully middle and high school won’t go too fast so I don’t have to attend so many graduations.  My thoughts were more along the line of not having to see her grow up too fast.

     Like most parents, some of the deepest conversations happen in the car.  For only being 11 years old, she is able to comprehend the meaning of many topics I discuss with her.  The main point stressed in this recent talk was to enjoy the stage you find yourself living at the moment.  Being young is great.  It is fun, exciting, and full of energy, but life doesn’t stop at a certain age.  I have known people well into their 80’s, even 90’s that were still having a great time.

      There are bumps along the way.  There are challenges that are sad and/or difficult.  There will be periods of uncertainty, confusion, and disbelief.  The key is to keep looking forward and find a way to change what is not working.  To work towards increasing the comfort and happiness in living a good life.  To surround ourselves with people who are good for us, and constantly take a chance of trying something new.

     My daughter is 11.  I don’t expect her to understand all the challenges and experiences that lie before her, but I do want her to know that change isn’t a bad thing.  People waste too much time worrying and fretting about getting older.  There is nothing any of us can do about it, so live the age you are now.  To everyone who is moving on, remember the past, enjoy the present, and look to the future with an eager and happy heart.  You only go around once.

Pushing Out Imagination

     My daughter has decided to be Red Riding Hood for Halloween.   The only part of the costume we need is a cape.   This is easy enough to make, but we decided to check a major toy retailer while we were out on a shopping trip.   The only costume items displayed were full ensembles with no “parts” available.   Since we were already in the store, we decided to look around.   Most toys today are based on television or movie characters.  What I found interesting is that these toys take up the majority of the store and, like the supermarket, are given prime shelf location and space.  Nondescript, generic, simple toys are relegated to the outskirts where they sit unnoticed by most.  What is unfortunate is that these are the toys that require more imagination and free-thinking.  They also aid in the development of motor and social skills.  It seems simple play has gone the way of pre-programmed sets with one outcome which, in my opinion, limits the development of a young child’s mind and leads them to the believe that there is one way to arrive at an answer.

     Ok, I know some are going to think that I am going overboard with this idea.  There certainly are a number of toys and games on the shelves that still lend themselves to imaginative play.   But where are the blocks?   Why do so many coloring sets have a few sheets of designs and colors to use?   How come so many baby dolls are now Disney characters?   Do you notice that entire aisles are dedicated to one brand so that comparisons can be prevented?   This definitely has an effect on the shopper where the display fools us into thinking that the toy provides a greater learning experience and/or more fun than the plainer, simpler versions.

     Smaller, independent toy stores are better at providing toys that are creative and educational.  It is also nice to be able to support local businesses that provide a difference in service.  There is room for all kinds of toys and games, but parents should not rule out the importance of crayons, blocks, dolls, cars and trucks.  It is fun to hear kids make up their own stories and adventures.  It is great to see how their pictures change from a few scribbles, to grand designs as they age.  If you need any proof of this, give them a big shipping box, some markers, and tape (oh yes, they looooove tape), and watch them create a little world of their own.   Have fun.

Don’t Mess with PBS

“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor won’t you be mine, could you be mine……”   Fred Rogers

     I remember sitting down at 5:30 in the afternoon to tune into Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.   He walked into his house, put on his sweater, his sneakers, and proceeded to talk to us.   It was a gentle, quiet, and imaginative show that taught a lesson in every episode.  Where did you find this show?  On PBS, the station that made headlines this week when it was suggested that funds given by the government might have to cease in order to balance the nation’s budget.  Lovable Big Bird who has resided on Sesame Street for years has become a target for overspending.  What isn’t realized is that PBS provides more return for the dollar than any other line item.

     Children’s programming on PBS has always had a focus on education.  The segments can be entertaining, but like a good lesson plan, there is an objective to what is being taught.  It might be numbers, letters, reading, music, lessons, as well as social and emotional issues.  My older daughter loved the show Fetch which dealt with a number of topics involving science, math, and social studies.  She was actually able to answer some questions in school based on what she learned from this show.  The kids benefit, and it doesn’t stop there.

     I have enjoyed a number of dramas over the years including Masterpiece Theatre, a number of mystery shows, and of course, Downton Abbey.  The acting is first-rate and the writing is superb.  The filming is movie quality making them visually beautiful.  I also appreciate the lack of commercials.  On network television you watch 5 minutes of show, and then 5 minutes of commercials.  The tone, feel, and momentum of the story are lost to the point where you just want it to end.  There are also a great number of music, dance, and cooking, and history shows which are both entertaining and educational.

     The biggest service of this programming is that is brings to the masses what so many cannot afford or travel to see.  Not everyone has the means to go to a concert, the Metropolitan Opera, or these days, even the movies. Cable is filled with hours of reality television, repeats, or reruns of shows broadcasted long ago.  The Emmy Awards seem to forget that not everybody has HBO or Showtime.  I still watch cable as well as the networks, but losing PBS would create a big hole that will never get filled by other sources of media.  Leave Big Bird and his friends alone. Years from now, children will remember him and continue their reach for quality programming.  Just like I remember Mr. Rogers.

What Students Need to Succeed

The past few weeks have been filled with articles and media reports concerning the education reform package presented by Governor Malloy.  Much of the focus has been centered on teacher preparation, certification, tenure, and salary.  It is not within reason to want to examine these areas along with the curriculum standards that are now in place.  What is troubling is that there appears to be a consensus that there are a great number of teachers who are not qualified, or conscientious enough for the day-to-day learning of students.  When the goal is to improve the achievement of students, other factors need to be considered before any real change can occur.

The steps towards certification in the state of Connecticut are among the most rigorous in the nation.  There are numerous requirements which must be met in order to reach certain levels.  This usually takes years to achieve.  Evaluations and professional development is ongoing in most districts, and teachers must take additional credits in order to maintain their license.  If a teacher is not sufficiently doing their job, or are not observed to be effective, there are plenty of opportunities early on in their career to not grant certification, or to be released by a district.  It is up to the administrative staff, central office, and the state to make this determination, and to have the fortitude to follow through with the decision.

The other factors that come into to play are those which no school, principal, or teacher has control. Children need to understand from a young age that school is important.  Attendance is critical.  I have seen many students miss too many days to be successful.  Children also need an adequate amount of rest.  Letting young children stay up late is not beneficial to learning.  They also have to be taught how to behave and be respectful. Too much class time is spent dealing with inappropriate behavior.  This has nothing to do with a teacher having control.  Homework needs to be completed and handed in on time.  Less time should be spent on video games or other electronic devices, and more should be spent on reading.

Every student needs a parent, grandparent, guardian, or someone responsible in their life that will ensure that they are prepared and active in their learning.  I have seen students in homes run by single moms, working two jobs, go on to college and be successful.  I have seen students from all socio-economic levels who are neglected and don’t care about school.  It takes caring adults to encourage, inspire, and motivate young people. It takes adults outside of the school to make sure that education is a priority in the life of a child.

Teachers play a significant role in the education of a youngster, but they can’t do it alone.  There is no single method that allows every student to succeed.   Urban schools are dealing with more issues than their suburban counterparts.  They need more assistance in terms of staffing, materials, and social services.  It is easy to point fingers and lay blame. Teaching is the one occupation that everyone thinks they understand or know how to do better.  It takes more than a few hours on a tour, or even a whole day, to truly understand the magnitude of variables that is facing one person standing alone in a room.

I have met very few teachers that didn’t care about kids.  They want to see all students succeed.  They fret about the children who were struggling, and work hard to find a way to help.  So change the requirements, and change the curriculum, but if you don’t concentrate on the social, emotional, and behavior of our young, nothing will be different.  Education doesn’t occur only in a school building.  The whole day of a child has an impact.  That is the message that needs reinforcing.  That is the area that will have the most effect in terms of future success.

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The Anger of a Second Grade Boy

        I saw a story this morning on GMA about a second grade boy in Colorado, whose behavior was so violent, the police had to be called.  He had been spitting, throwing chairs, and swearing.  He told his teachers that he was going to kill them and was holding a sharp knife-like piece of wood.  His reaction towards the police was the same at which point they decided to use pepper spray on the child.  When his mother arrived she was horrified that her son had been treated this way, and filed a complaint against the police department.  The reaction to this story had been overwhelming.  Many are choosing sides as to who is wrong or right.  I think the situation is a little more complex than that. 

     He is in a class for children with behavioral issues.  His mother claims he only has problems at school.  Elizabeth Vargas, who has small children herself, tried to get this child to admit that his behavior was out of control.  He held back a bit and seemed like he really didn’t understand why it was so bad.  His mother feels excessive force was used.  Not being in the situation at the time we can only speculate what occurred.  But, the school has a commitment to provide a safe environment for all.  This is where we run into problems.

    There are many kids who cause disruptions in the classroom.  The attention all seems to focus on those one or two individuals and not on the climate of the entire room.  Where do the rights of the kids who behave come in?  How can a teacher be responsible for the learning and safety of all when these situations arise?  I find it interesting that these are the issues that create the most action by parents.  Right away they are in the office.  Right away they are seeking lawyers.  They don’t see that there is a much bigger problem in front of their eyes.

    This little boy is a ticking time bomb.  It will only be a matter of time before he hurts himself or others.  The focus should be on getting him the right kind of help he needs while he is still young.  There is something bothering him.  He seems to be deeply troubled.  This isn’t about the police, the school, or the teachers. The story has created much publicity, but I feel those closest to him need to put their energy into the child and let the other concerns rest.  I wish him well.