The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Talk to the Elderly

     Recently, my husband and I took our daughters to the movies.  Afterwards, we went for pizza at a very well-known establishment.   We were seated after waiting 30 minutes in the lobby.  Once we were settled and gave our order, I noticed an elderly couple sitting diagonal from us.  It seemed every time I looked up, they were staring at us and neither was speaking.  A small wall divided our tables so I couldn’t see the rest of their party.  Eventually, a man I assumed was their son stood up, followed by three boys around the ages of 10 to 12.   Two teenage girls also appeared.  I then knew why the elderly couple wasn’t talking.

     Each of the boys was holding their own tablet, and both girls had earphones attached to either a phone of other device. They were probably so involved in their own virtual world, that none of them took the time to talk to the people sitting directly in front of them.  I felt sorry for this couple. They are of a generation where being “social” means going out, having fun, and making memories.  The word “media” is not part of the scenario.

     I was lucky enough to have known my grandparents and other relatives for a good part of my life.  What I remember most are the conversations.  They were filled stories that only come with a lifetime of experience.  They provided lessons in history as seen from the eyes of people who had lived it.  There are conversations fondly remembered because of humor and laughter.  None of it recorded except in the recesses of my mind.  The place, the time, and the experience lived again as if it were yesterday.

     My opinion concerning electronics has been stated before in other posts.  I am not against them, and understand they serve a need.  But why has it become a substitute for interaction?  Why does it have to go everywhere and be present at every moment?  Some day in the future, these kids will not have the opportunity to talk to their grandparents.  What will they remember?

Inspiration Comes from Talent

Cover via Amazon

     My 11-year- old daughter has been bitten by the stage bug.  For some time now, she has stated that she wants to be a performer when she grows up.   It isn’t about fame, but the pure enjoyment of being on stage.   In her young mind, the best situation would be to perform and still be able to walk around without being harassed.   That is not the case with some of her peers.  She has already experienced kids her age dropping out of shows and choruses if they don’t get a major part.  She has seen kids who dance studio hop if they don’t appear to be labeled the star.   Recently we had an insightful conversation centering on the theme of accepting the role you are given, and enjoying the experience of being part of something.   What stunned me was the source she quoted as an inspiration.

     We were in the car (of course), talking about the above topic, when she stated the following.

“The lady on the TV said that if you don’t have expectations, then you are never disappointed.”

I answered….”Who said that?”

“The lady….. the lady from Singing in the Rain.”

     One of my favorite shows is CBS Sunday Morning.  I have watched this show for many years.  It is a wonderful mix of current events, art, music, science, celebrity, small towns, big cities, and stories of hope.   The interview my daughter was referring of course was that of Debbie Reynolds who starred in among others, one of the most beloved movies of all time.  A movie that will live on for the enjoyment of generations to come.

     A triple threat, she could act, sing, and dance.  She became famous because of her talent.  I was touched that a young girl listened to a seasoned and acclaimed performer and understood her message.  I was glad that someone of this stature made an impression on my daughter and not someone closer to her own age who feels the need to take their clothes off and dance provocatively to make “history”.   History is made by greatness, and greatness has a means of passing on something to hold onto, whatever my daughter grows up to be.

 

I’m Back

August Flowers 08 (Photo credit: Gareth James (Finland))

The end of August is near.  My annual vacation from this blog has been good.  I have spent very little time on the computer and social media.  I debated whether or not I wanted to continue to write or not.  I have contemplated writing a book, but I’m still not sure I have the ability to pull that off. I am also exploring other opportunities that are available.  For the time being, I will continue to fill the blogosphere with my thoughts and ideas for anyone who cares to read.  For some unknown reason, I can’t seem to give it up.  Hope everyone had a nice summer.   🙂

The Main Purpose of a 911 Call

     The State of Connecticut’s Freedom of Information commission has ordered the town of Newtown to release the 911 calls they received on the day of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.  The purpose of obtaining these calls is to decide if their content should be made available to the public.  There has been opposition by the families of the victims and their supporters, for this material to be accessible to anyone seeking a request.  Included in this concern are photos depicting the scene after the tragedy.   For years now, 911 calls and crime scene photos have made their way into mainstream media and the internet.  We are taught to call 911 only when there is a true emergency to report.  Dispatchers then notify the appropriate personnel to the scene. The purpose of the call is to alert police, fire, and medical responders, not for the media, print, or internet reporting.

     As the years have gone by, more and more of these calls have been played on network news and talk shows.  The fear, anxiety, and sense of helplessness often is heard as the individual at the end of the phone line is reaching out for assistance.   One is often left to wonder what purpose is gained by hearing these voices in distress.   Does it help in any way?  Does it make us understand the trauma those individuals suffered?  Do seeing pictures of victims give us, the public, any more information?  There are reports that some of the first responders at the scene of the shooting are suffering from mental stress.  What benefit will they, the families, and the public obtain from seeing the images or hearing those cries for help.  This is not one  of the many nightly dramas that opens each episode with a horrific crime scene.  What happened is real, with real people, affecting real lives.  The effects don’t end in an hour, but are everlasting.

     We as a public are not privy to everything.  We abide by doctor-patient confidentiality.  Clergy do not have to report information shared from a member of their congregation.   The names and pictures of juveniles are not reported in regards to a variety of issues.  The identity of abuse victims are not revealed in the press or other media.   The media themselves are protected from exposing sources in the reporting of a story.

     Does this really have to be debated?  Do the families, already dealing with an impossible amount of grief, have to spend time fighting to have calls and photos blocked?   What are we possibly going to find out that we already don’t know?   It doesn’t change what happened.   The images that remain with us should be the smiling faces of the beautiful, innocent children and the 6 caring adults who lost their life on that day.   The information in those calls and in those pictures should be restricted to law enforcement and the courts.   The victims and their families have rights too, and their rights should be respected.  May they be granted the peace they deserve.

The Class of ’43 Goes to the Prom

     Almost every night, at 10:00 P.M., I watch the news.  Sometimes I wonder why I do this because the headlines for the most part are filled with terrible news.  Shootings, robberies, break-ins, fires, hit and runs make up the top stories of the night.  Next come stories of political fallouts or weather disasters.  But one night this week, a story early in the broadcast was of a different sort.

      Every year, thousands of high school seniors prepare to go to their prom.  There is another group of seniors also planning to attend the prom this year,  the Hillhouse High school Class of 1943 in New Haven, CT.   Deferred due to the war, this class never had the experience of attending the annual school dance.  A group got together and decided after 70 years, the time had come to celebrate the rite of passage.

     I loved this story.  It was heartwarming, touching, and humorous.  It brought out an understanding that no matter how many years pass, how many experiences we have, how much happiness or sorrow we experience, we remain young at heart.  Wouldn’t it be great if the news was like this every night.  Enjoy.

http://youtu.be/IWVk2dEb0hs

Life on a 2 inch Screen

     In my last post, I described my visit to Disney World.   One of the points I didn’t mentioned was before every show, an announcement was made that no recording or flash photography could take place during the performance.  It was music to my ears.  It seems in the past few years, everyone is recording every event that occurs in their lives.  This all started with the invention of the video camera.  Now with cell phones, iPads, YouTube and other social media, the world has become one giant movie.

     We waited for the parade in the Magic Kingdom one afternoon during our trip.  People were polite and courteous while standing along the road.  When the parade reached our area, a women standing next to me kept sticking her elbow in my side.  She had her iPad up in the air in order to record the whole parade.  In my passive aggressive way I refused to move over.  I’m sure she didn’t appreciate the clapping and calling out  of the names of characters as they went by, but I didn’t care.  I was enjoying the moment with my kids and wasn’t going to stifle my fun for someone documenting their entire day.

     Before we had kids, and had two incomes, my husband and I went on a cruise to Alaska.  The only way to get from location to location is by boat or air since the state does not have many roads of connection.  We noticed that while the boat was moving, the crowds were nowhere to be seen.  It was us and about 12 other people wearing parkas observing the wonderful landscape.  When the boat stopped, the people came out of the casino, the pools, and the food and play areas, and took sudden interest in the sites.  At the time video cameras were the means of recording, and they came out in force.  Tripods were set up, people jockeyed for the best position, and it was taped for remembrance.  When the show was over, the people disappeared.  My husband commented that that those people were experiencing Alaska through a 2 inch screen.

     I often wonder what children think when their parents tell them what to do for the camera.  Many times they want a reenactment of something a child did spontaneously. They tell them not only what to do or say, but how to do it.  Most kids I know don’t repeat what you want them to do when asked.  This causes many parents to become exasperated because they can’t capture that precious moment.  Maybe these kids are onto something.  I remember a movie called Truman starring Jim Carrey.  Unbeknownst to Truman, his whole life was being monitored, and a live feed was blasted across televisions nationwide.  Everything around him was set-up to provide the drama.  People, buildings, and events, were planned to create a kind of documentary reality show.  When Truman found out, he walked out and said goodbye.

     I have a video camera.  I film my kids a few times a year.  Most of it takes place the backyard, or the house of mine and other family members.  I don’t feel like I can fully experience what is going on around me if I have to keep focus through a screen.  So much time during the total happening is lost.  I know I am old school, but I prefer still photography.  There is something captured in a moment that I find quite satisfying.  A facial expression, the time of day, the surroundings, the people grouped together, the memory of time and place.  It is nice to have some photos and videos as remembrance, but the best movie of all is the one that plays out in our heads.  The memories we hold of loved ones, events, and life in general.  My grandmother said it best.  Once at a wedding, she couldn’t get over the number of photos that were being taken.  She commented…”All these pictures.  You only need one.”  How right she was.

Supporting Business in Sandy Hook

     My daughter had to buy a present to attend the birthday party of a classmate.  When I asked what she thought the little girl would like, she came up with a gift that involved creating fashion designs.  When asked where I could purchase this item, my daughter told me she saw it in the toy store in Sandy Hook.   Yes, that Sandy Hook, the town reluctantly known all over the world due to a terrible and tragic event.  So, last Friday, for the second time since that fateful day, I drove to Newtown.

     I didn’t go when the throngs of media and people offering their condolences ascended on the streets of a small intersection.  Having once lived in the area, I knew that the scene would be overwhelming.  Instead I chose to pray, offer a financial donation, and deal with the heartache and disbelief that carries on to this day.  A few weeks later, when the reporters and crowds left town, I took my girls to the place they have been getting their haircut for years, Fun Kuts.   Marci, the owner and her staff are wonderful, caring, and great with kids.  Afterwards, we went to The Toy Tree which is next door.   Even though it was early afternoon, the area seemed eerily quiet.

     Last Friday, I returned to The Toy Tree to purchase the gift, and bought more than I had intended.  It is a wonderful store with many items not found in big box toy stores.  I knew my girls would like what I purchased, and I felt it was a small way to help the owner.  Leaving the store, I noticed that the street wasn’t lined with parked cars as in the past, and once again, that quietness was there.  Much to my dismay, the coffee shop around the corner had closed.  This was another business that I had frequented over the years.  Was I imagining it, or are people staying away?

     When the shooting first happened, swarms of people and media flooded the streets of Newtown.  People and reporters from far and wide blocked the roads and sidewalks. So many individuals expressed publicly their concern in the immediate aftermath, but how many have returned to show support?   The businesses suffered a loss which the state is attempting to make up to them.  What the businesses in Sandy Hook, and town of Newtown on a whole need, is for the residents of surrounding towns to shop in their stores, and eat in their restaurants.  There is no reason to stay away.  Actions speak louder than words.

   This is not a call for the streets to be overwhelmed with visitors, rather a day-to-day flow of traffic that will help these businesses keep their doors open.  The owners dealt with the crowds and visitors in a caring and respectful manner.  They have passed on messages and items to the families, and have remained strong.  Newtown as a whole has handled the tragedy with a spirit of strength, dignity, compassion, and love.   We need to let them know that they have our support, admiration, and a place in our hearts that will never go away.  Your presence will let them know.

Reading the News in Print

     I started reading the local newspaper around the age of 12.   During my middle and high school years, I enjoyed reading articles that pertained to my school, organizations and events that revolved around youth, and of course, the comics.  As I grew into adulthood, the news took on a different significance.  Local and world politics, education and health issues, environmental and economic concerns, all started to attract my attention.  The media provides a plethora of opportunities to tune in, search, scan, and highlight breaking news. Top stories are readily available.  In the newspaper are stories presented  many of us might never see.  This is the value of the printed page.

    Local newspapers provide the community with information regarding schools, town government, religious, and social happenings.  They allow for in-depth reporting.  I acquire most information on local issues in this manner.  Social media and local internet sites provide some content, but it has yet to match the detail in the newspaper.  It is also presented in a timely manner so there are no last minute surprises regarding issues or items that need addressing.

   National and international stories are also included in the daily postings.  Television and the internet usually focus on the major issues of the day.  The newspaper is able to devote more time and space to stories that aren’t on the front burner.  I find it interesting and educational when I discover a new issue, place, or happening.  I can’t get all of that in one place on the computer.  On a day when I don’t get an opportunity to read the paper, I get an uneasy feeling that I might have missed something.

   The issue of accuracy of reporting also comes into play.  There have been many instances of false information being disseminated in an effort to be first.  “Exclusive” and “Breaking” are terms television news shows use often.  They say this as a method of punctuating the fact that they know something others don’t.  There have been many instances when the rush to be first led to the reporting of misinformation.  The newspaper doesn’t have the luxury of being first.  As a result, by the time the story is in print, most of the details have been examined and reported as fact.  There are times when a retraction or correction is required, but the overall track record is acceptable in terms of giving us the right information.

   More and more, newspapers are downsizing both physically and literally.  Some have gone completely over to a digital format.  Downward sales are blamed for the change.  Young people gravitate to interactive media and many never open a newspaper.   I don’t want to see a total demise in my lifetime.  I want to be able to read it while waiting in an office, at a coffeehouse, or on the train.   I want to enjoy the 20 minutes of quiet time as I eat lunch and catch up on the day.  I hope I will always be able to walk down the drive in the morning, and pick up that daily paper.  I wouldn’t want to start my day without it.

The Power of Marketing

     Yesterday I woke up with a terrible migraine.  Anyone who suffers from these knows the feeling of pain, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea, and tiredness.  After I got my kids on the bus, I fell asleep on the couch.  When I woke 2 hours later, I still didn’t feel like moving.  It’s like having a late night without any of the fun.  With the remote in reach, I turned on the television.  After the morning news, I rarely watch anything on the tube, so I began channel surfing.  When I landed on QVC, I took a moment to see what they were selling.  The item up for sale was a mattress.  Having just had a bad morning, it immediately caught my interest.

     In 4 easy payments (easy…. really..what does that mean?) adding up to less than $500.00; I could have a memory foam mattress endorsed by a certified chiropractor.  It looked soft and comfortable. It would solve all my sleep issues and never lose its shape.  For a fraction of the cost of a well-known national brand, it could be mine.  Oh did they lure me in.  I was so tempted.  Then I remembered that my current mattress is only 3 years old and was made by a nearby mattress company.

     Years ago I visited my grandmother and her sister, Aunt Mary, for a week.  Aunt Mary loved contests and had been the big winner on more than one occasion.  She wanted to know if I wanted some jewelry she bought from the Home Shopping Network.  It had “real” diamonds, about the size you find on a drill bit, but they were real.  She went on to tell me that the woman on the other end of the phone knew her when she called.  Being elderly, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the woman knew everyone.  She never spent a lot of money on these items so it was harmless.  What stood out was how these marketers are able to sell, and how good they are at attracting customers.  They know how to appeal to the senses and have a way of making you feel like you need their product.  I give them credit for salesmanship, a skill I never possessed.

     I was never able to sell anything.  Fundraisers for school, the YMCA, girl scouts, and other organizations never made much from my sales.  Candy bars, wrapping paper, cookies, and other items were products I couldn’t promote.  It is an art and a skill that few possess, and many give into.  I can see a sale coming a mile away.  I don’t like the hard sell, and am put off as soon as it starts.  Yesterday, in a moment of weakness, I almost bought a mattress.  Oh, but it was so comfortable, cool, soft, offers support………click went the remote.  I feel better today.  So does my wallet.