The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Talk to the Elderly

     Recently, my husband and I took our daughters to the movies.  Afterwards, we went for pizza at a very well-known establishment.   We were seated after waiting 30 minutes in the lobby.  Once we were settled and gave our order, I noticed an elderly couple sitting diagonal from us.  It seemed every time I looked up, they were staring at us and neither was speaking.  A small wall divided our tables so I couldn’t see the rest of their party.  Eventually, a man I assumed was their son stood up, followed by three boys around the ages of 10 to 12.   Two teenage girls also appeared.  I then knew why the elderly couple wasn’t talking.

     Each of the boys was holding their own tablet, and both girls had earphones attached to either a phone of other device. They were probably so involved in their own virtual world, that none of them took the time to talk to the people sitting directly in front of them.  I felt sorry for this couple. They are of a generation where being “social” means going out, having fun, and making memories.  The word “media” is not part of the scenario.

     I was lucky enough to have known my grandparents and other relatives for a good part of my life.  What I remember most are the conversations.  They were filled stories that only come with a lifetime of experience.  They provided lessons in history as seen from the eyes of people who had lived it.  There are conversations fondly remembered because of humor and laughter.  None of it recorded except in the recesses of my mind.  The place, the time, and the experience lived again as if it were yesterday.

     My opinion concerning electronics has been stated before in other posts.  I am not against them, and understand they serve a need.  But why has it become a substitute for interaction?  Why does it have to go everywhere and be present at every moment?  Some day in the future, these kids will not have the opportunity to talk to their grandparents.  What will they remember?

Stereotyping Our Boys

                                                                                                                                                  

     During the holiday season, I had the opportunity to buy a shirt for an 8-year-old boy.   Having two daughters, this was a new experience for me.   Walk into any store selling clothes for girls, and you are instantly bombarded with bright colors, glitter, and sequins.  Many skirts are trimmed in tulle and almost all shirts have some grand graphic design.  Trying to find clothes that are more understated is a bit of a challenge.  So, when I walked into a couple of well-known stores catering to kids, I was surprised and ultimately a bit sadden when I saw what boys have to choose from.

     Let’s start with color.   Yes it is winter here in the Northeast, but all I saw was brown, dark blue, black, gray, and dark green.  The only other colors were burnt orange and mustard green.  I admit, the neon colors of girl’s clothes can be a bit overwhelming, but to be so drab was depressing.   Then I looked at the graphics on the shirts.   The only choices were either sports or pictures of heavy machinery.   Since this was going to be a donation, and I didn’t know the youngster, I was at a loss as to what would be appropriate.  I finally settled on the one shirt I found that had stripes.

      It got me thinking about the messages we send kids.  Do all little boys have to be involved or like sports?  It is great if they have the talent and ambition to play, but what if they don’t?  Do all have to like tractors, large truck, and backhoes?  Is there something wrong with them if they prefer other toys?  If you don’t think this is has an effect, think again.

     My daughter is in the chorus at school.  They are having a hard time getting boys to join.  Oh they are in the band, and a few are in the orchestra, but for some reason, chorus isn’t cool.   With all the discussion we have surrounding our girls…have we left our boys behind?  Does he have to worry that his peers will think lesser of him because he isn’t cut out for sports?   Can he like science and math without being called a geek?  What if he is more interested in art and music?  How long does it take before he realizes his potential?  High school?  Longer?  It has to start younger.

     Parents have to take the lead from their kids.  I have witnessed too many forcing their children to participate in activities that they are clearly not enjoying.  I have heard grown men yell at young boys to toughen up, shake it off, run faster, work harder.  I’m talking about little kids here, not high school or college athletes.  There is a fine line between encouraging children to do better, and belittling them when they don’t live up to expectations which are usually set too high.  If kids find something they can throw their heart and soul into, they will usually succeed without pressure from their parents.  They will never know what they are good at if not given the freedom to choose.

     I hope the little boy is wearing that striped shirt knows he doesn’t have to identify himself by a graphic.  He can grow up to be anything he wants and not have to wonder what others think.  He can join the chorus if he likes to sing.  He doesn’t have to play sports if he doesn’t want to.  He can do well academically without being called a nerd.   He should have the freedom to choose.  Just like our girls.

Math, Science, and Girls

     In 1947, a 17 year old young woman graduated from high school in Upstate, NY.   Having an A+ average, she was accepted into New York University.  The following fall, she traveled down to the city to begin her studies in biology.  Two months after receiving her degree, she accepted a job working in the cancer research labs at Sloan-Kettering.  In time, she was in charge of an entire lab.  Who is she?  She is my mother.

    I am perplexed by stories about young women not choosing careers studies in math and science.  So much is discussed and written in terms of the society preventing females from following this path.  While I don’t disagree that there may still be some obstacles out there, I do believe that the family has the biggest impact on the choices of our girls.   My mother’s family didn’t totally understand why she chose to study biology.  They thought nursing was a more viable option.  Yet, they did not prevent her from choosing her major.  The same followed for me and my siblings.  Whatever choices we made regarding school or career was ours to make.

     The fact that I had a parent who was allowed to make such a decision played a huge factor in knowing that I had the freedom to go into science.   My younger sister also made the same choice and became a successful engineer.   The achievement in math and science in my family was considered a good thing, and not something to disregard because we were girls.  I remember at the time some of my peers not having the same encouragement.  Their families felt that it was wiser for their daughters to work in a more traditional female job.  That is perfectly acceptable if it is the choice of the young woman, but if she has the talent and the interest to pursue areas pertaining to math and science, the opportunities are abundant.

     Society is not telling our girls they are not good at math and science.  That is a myth that has been handed down through the years.   Lest we forget the thousands of women who went to work during World War II working on projects that required a great deal of technical aptitude.  There have been many women who have made discoveries besides Madam Curie not present in our history books.  There are numerous female doctors, engineers, researchers, and professors who are presently working in a multitude of capacities.   There are a considerable number of female high school science teachers who present a role model to our children every day.  No one in “society” is telling our girls not to pursue their dreams.

     In 1947, a brilliant young woman walked her own path.  There were many others just like her who paved the road way before the issue of female equality was explored.  If they were able to do it during their lifetime, there is no reason why women today can’t as well.  It takes determination, hard work, encouragement, and a desire to live out a chance of fulfillment.  Let us stop telling stories about women not doing something because of society, and start telling about women who do because they can.

Thanksgiving 2013

     Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  It is a day spent with family enjoying a nice meal.  I don’t go to stores on Black Friday, or the whole weekend for that matter.  It is a time to appreciate and be grateful for the good in our lives.  This year I have made a list of that which I am thankful.  It reflects what at times we seem to forget or take for granted.

I am thankful for the adults who watch over my children.  Teachers, bus drivers, dance instructors, cafeteria workers, aides, librarians, etc.  They are dedicated and work hard to help our kids grow, mature, learn, and have fun.

I am thankful that about all other qualities, my kids are kind to others.

I am grateful for the doctors who continue to follow-up on my healthcare.  It is always a huge relief to hear I am well.

I am happy that the Northeast had a wonderful Fall season.  It was nice to see the leaves change color without a freak snowstorm or hurricane ruining the annual display. Many days were warm as well.

I am thankful that I had an opportunity to see many friends I have not seen in years.  It is incredible how we can pick right up were we left off with lots of laughter.

I am thankful that despite its difficulties and hard times, we still live in the greatest country on earth.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Angela

Inspiration Comes from Talent

Cover via Amazon

     My 11-year- old daughter has been bitten by the stage bug.  For some time now, she has stated that she wants to be a performer when she grows up.   It isn’t about fame, but the pure enjoyment of being on stage.   In her young mind, the best situation would be to perform and still be able to walk around without being harassed.   That is not the case with some of her peers.  She has already experienced kids her age dropping out of shows and choruses if they don’t get a major part.  She has seen kids who dance studio hop if they don’t appear to be labeled the star.   Recently we had an insightful conversation centering on the theme of accepting the role you are given, and enjoying the experience of being part of something.   What stunned me was the source she quoted as an inspiration.

     We were in the car (of course), talking about the above topic, when she stated the following.

“The lady on the TV said that if you don’t have expectations, then you are never disappointed.”

I answered….”Who said that?”

“The lady….. the lady from Singing in the Rain.”

     One of my favorite shows is CBS Sunday Morning.  I have watched this show for many years.  It is a wonderful mix of current events, art, music, science, celebrity, small towns, big cities, and stories of hope.   The interview my daughter was referring of course was that of Debbie Reynolds who starred in among others, one of the most beloved movies of all time.  A movie that will live on for the enjoyment of generations to come.

     A triple threat, she could act, sing, and dance.  She became famous because of her talent.  I was touched that a young girl listened to a seasoned and acclaimed performer and understood her message.  I was glad that someone of this stature made an impression on my daughter and not someone closer to her own age who feels the need to take their clothes off and dance provocatively to make “history”.   History is made by greatness, and greatness has a means of passing on something to hold onto, whatever my daughter grows up to be.

 

Ahhh…..Summer

     Get up.  Get dressed.  Eat your breakfast.  Did you brush your teeth and comb your hair? Make your bed?   Did you put your lunch in your backpack?  Do I have to sign anything?  Do you have your homework and books?  Let’s get down to the bus stop.  The school day starts.

     Get off the bus or get picked up.   Some days involve after-school activities.  All have homework that needs to get done.  Have a snack, do homework, eat dinner, read, brush teeth, go to bed.  The school day ends.  (This is the abbreviated version.)

     This is just a small sample of a typical day of a child who goes to school.  While often fun, it has moments of being hectic and tiring.  There are some educational experts who promote the benefits of year round schooling.  While there is little doubt that many would gain from learning on a continual basis, there is much to be said for the few months of reprieve that the summer offers.

     Even though there are still some activities to attend, they don’t start so early in the day.  The pace is slower and relaxed. There is more time to spend swimming, hiking, playing games, and attending outdoor events.  There is time to read books for enjoyment. There is time to visit local farms, museums, small towns and big cities.  There is time to spend with your kids that doesn’t involve being constantly in the car or trying to get all that is required done.

     Summer remains a season for all ages.  Despite the heat, many people have wonderful memories of summers past.  Everyone seems to have childhood experiences and events they fondly remember.  It can be as simple as going out for their favorite ice cream, or a big vacation they took one year.  There are graduation parties, weddings, and family reunions.  Some remember jobs or internships.  Mostly, we remember the days of warmer temperatures, gardens, beaches, barbecues, and the long days of sunlight that lifts our spirit.

     Summer is a season of simplicity.  It brings people out and together and allows time for what the rest of the year doesn’t seem to allow.   No matter how what you do, have fun, stay cool, and make those memories that last a lifetime.  September will be here before you know it.

Moving on Through Life

                                                                                                                                          

      My daughter is “graduating” from elementary school.   Her feelings are bittersweet.  She loves her school and has had a wonderful experience, but she is excited to be moving on to middle school.    She stated hopefully middle and high school won’t go too fast so I don’t have to attend so many graduations.  My thoughts were more along the line of not having to see her grow up too fast.

     Like most parents, some of the deepest conversations happen in the car.  For only being 11 years old, she is able to comprehend the meaning of many topics I discuss with her.  The main point stressed in this recent talk was to enjoy the stage you find yourself living at the moment.  Being young is great.  It is fun, exciting, and full of energy, but life doesn’t stop at a certain age.  I have known people well into their 80’s, even 90’s that were still having a great time.

      There are bumps along the way.  There are challenges that are sad and/or difficult.  There will be periods of uncertainty, confusion, and disbelief.  The key is to keep looking forward and find a way to change what is not working.  To work towards increasing the comfort and happiness in living a good life.  To surround ourselves with people who are good for us, and constantly take a chance of trying something new.

     My daughter is 11.  I don’t expect her to understand all the challenges and experiences that lie before her, but I do want her to know that change isn’t a bad thing.  People waste too much time worrying and fretting about getting older.  There is nothing any of us can do about it, so live the age you are now.  To everyone who is moving on, remember the past, enjoy the present, and look to the future with an eager and happy heart.  You only go around once.

Life on a 2 inch Screen

     In my last post, I described my visit to Disney World.   One of the points I didn’t mentioned was before every show, an announcement was made that no recording or flash photography could take place during the performance.  It was music to my ears.  It seems in the past few years, everyone is recording every event that occurs in their lives.  This all started with the invention of the video camera.  Now with cell phones, iPads, YouTube and other social media, the world has become one giant movie.

     We waited for the parade in the Magic Kingdom one afternoon during our trip.  People were polite and courteous while standing along the road.  When the parade reached our area, a women standing next to me kept sticking her elbow in my side.  She had her iPad up in the air in order to record the whole parade.  In my passive aggressive way I refused to move over.  I’m sure she didn’t appreciate the clapping and calling out  of the names of characters as they went by, but I didn’t care.  I was enjoying the moment with my kids and wasn’t going to stifle my fun for someone documenting their entire day.

     Before we had kids, and had two incomes, my husband and I went on a cruise to Alaska.  The only way to get from location to location is by boat or air since the state does not have many roads of connection.  We noticed that while the boat was moving, the crowds were nowhere to be seen.  It was us and about 12 other people wearing parkas observing the wonderful landscape.  When the boat stopped, the people came out of the casino, the pools, and the food and play areas, and took sudden interest in the sites.  At the time video cameras were the means of recording, and they came out in force.  Tripods were set up, people jockeyed for the best position, and it was taped for remembrance.  When the show was over, the people disappeared.  My husband commented that that those people were experiencing Alaska through a 2 inch screen.

     I often wonder what children think when their parents tell them what to do for the camera.  Many times they want a reenactment of something a child did spontaneously. They tell them not only what to do or say, but how to do it.  Most kids I know don’t repeat what you want them to do when asked.  This causes many parents to become exasperated because they can’t capture that precious moment.  Maybe these kids are onto something.  I remember a movie called Truman starring Jim Carrey.  Unbeknownst to Truman, his whole life was being monitored, and a live feed was blasted across televisions nationwide.  Everything around him was set-up to provide the drama.  People, buildings, and events, were planned to create a kind of documentary reality show.  When Truman found out, he walked out and said goodbye.

     I have a video camera.  I film my kids a few times a year.  Most of it takes place the backyard, or the house of mine and other family members.  I don’t feel like I can fully experience what is going on around me if I have to keep focus through a screen.  So much time during the total happening is lost.  I know I am old school, but I prefer still photography.  There is something captured in a moment that I find quite satisfying.  A facial expression, the time of day, the surroundings, the people grouped together, the memory of time and place.  It is nice to have some photos and videos as remembrance, but the best movie of all is the one that plays out in our heads.  The memories we hold of loved ones, events, and life in general.  My grandmother said it best.  Once at a wedding, she couldn’t get over the number of photos that were being taken.  She commented…”All these pictures.  You only need one.”  How right she was.

I Went to Disney World!

     A few weeks ago, during the April school break, my family went to Disney World.   Many families we know have already been, some multiple times.   For us the timing never seemed to be right, and we wanted to wait until both of our girls were old enough to handle the whole experience.  This year the schedules lined up, and we went.  I have never been before and didn’t really know what to expect.  I now understand why they call it the happiest place on earth.

   I booked the plane tickets last summer.  Flying out of the northeast during spring break made this essential.  We decided not to stay in the park.  I know, I know….people say this is a mistake but we had our reasons.  First, my youngest daughter has an internal alarm clock which wakes her up at 6 A.M. no matter how late she stays up the night before.  I knew there was no way we would be up until 10:30 to see fireworks.  Second, the cost of the trip drops significantly by staying outside the park.  I got a great deal through Costco for lodging, tickets to the park, and a car.  We had a 2 bath, 2 bedroom timeshare, with a kitchen, laundry, pools, and other activities.  We were close to the parks, but came home every day to peace and quiet.

     I didn’t plan for the entire year as so many say you have to do.  We decided what we definitely wanted to do, and what we could skip, but I didn’t have an itinerary for every minute. We also decided we could live without character meals and princess spas.  My days of be anxious and worried are over.  We didn’t find it hard to get around, or have the time to do what we wanted.  I think you actually have more fun if you aren’t so worked up about where you need to be. I am also glad that my kids were not so young as to become overly tired, and overwhelmed with the crowd, the volume at the shows, the walking, and the heat.

    We went to the parks 4 days.  We went once to Hollywood Studios, twice to the Magic Kingdom, and once to Animal Kingdom.  We decided Epcot will be visited on a future trip. Going to Disney provides a great opportunity for observing human behavior.  They have crowd control down to a science. Parking lots are not filled with people trying to find the nearest spot.  You drive in and they have you park in an orderly manner.  No choice, no stopping, pull in, get out, and walk to the tram.  Lines for rides and shows have wait times posted.  If you decide to wait, you walk along the maze.  The fact that it keeps moving makes you feel like you are getting somewhere which eliminates the frustration many feel in traffic jams.  The staff is friendly and helpful.  Everyone is smiling which is infectious.  Imagine having pleasant conversations with strangers all day.  Imagine how society could benefit from that.

     The rides are what most people talk about, but the exhibits, shows, characters in the street, parades, marching bands add so much to the experience.  Some is educational, some is pure fun.  The second day in the Magic Kingdom brought back so much of my childhood when Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy were the only characters we knew.  Music, laughs, and stories come to life.  It all lifts the spirit and leaves you looking for more.

     It happened to be the week of the Boston Marathon bombings.  Many people from the northeast had the incident in the back of their minds.  It reminded us that it is important to have experiences that are fun-filled and happy.  It is important to create memories that will last a life time, and that time spent with family will never be forgotten.  My kids had a wonderful time, and my husband and I enjoyed seeing Disney through their eyes.  For one glorious week, the world around us was totally happy.