Talk to the Elderly

     Recently, my husband and I took our daughters to the movies.  Afterwards, we went for pizza at a very well-known establishment.   We were seated after waiting 30 minutes in the lobby.  Once we were settled and gave our order, I noticed an elderly couple sitting diagonal from us.  It seemed every time I looked up, they were staring at us and neither was speaking.  A small wall divided our tables so I couldn’t see the rest of their party.  Eventually, a man I assumed was their son stood up, followed by three boys around the ages of 10 to 12.   Two teenage girls also appeared.  I then knew why the elderly couple wasn’t talking.

     Each of the boys was holding their own tablet, and both girls had earphones attached to either a phone of other device. They were probably so involved in their own virtual world, that none of them took the time to talk to the people sitting directly in front of them.  I felt sorry for this couple. They are of a generation where being “social” means going out, having fun, and making memories.  The word “media” is not part of the scenario.

     I was lucky enough to have known my grandparents and other relatives for a good part of my life.  What I remember most are the conversations.  They were filled stories that only come with a lifetime of experience.  They provided lessons in history as seen from the eyes of people who had lived it.  There are conversations fondly remembered because of humor and laughter.  None of it recorded except in the recesses of my mind.  The place, the time, and the experience lived again as if it were yesterday.

     My opinion concerning electronics has been stated before in other posts.  I am not against them, and understand they serve a need.  But why has it become a substitute for interaction?  Why does it have to go everywhere and be present at every moment?  Some day in the future, these kids will not have the opportunity to talk to their grandparents.  What will they remember?

Stereotyping Our Boys

                                                                                                                                                  

     During the holiday season, I had the opportunity to buy a shirt for an 8-year-old boy.   Having two daughters, this was a new experience for me.   Walk into any store selling clothes for girls, and you are instantly bombarded with bright colors, glitter, and sequins.  Many skirts are trimmed in tulle and almost all shirts have some grand graphic design.  Trying to find clothes that are more understated is a bit of a challenge.  So, when I walked into a couple of well-known stores catering to kids, I was surprised and ultimately a bit sadden when I saw what boys have to choose from.

     Let’s start with color.   Yes it is winter here in the Northeast, but all I saw was brown, dark blue, black, gray, and dark green.  The only other colors were burnt orange and mustard green.  I admit, the neon colors of girl’s clothes can be a bit overwhelming, but to be so drab was depressing.   Then I looked at the graphics on the shirts.   The only choices were either sports or pictures of heavy machinery.   Since this was going to be a donation, and I didn’t know the youngster, I was at a loss as to what would be appropriate.  I finally settled on the one shirt I found that had stripes.

      It got me thinking about the messages we send kids.  Do all little boys have to be involved or like sports?  It is great if they have the talent and ambition to play, but what if they don’t?  Do all have to like tractors, large truck, and backhoes?  Is there something wrong with them if they prefer other toys?  If you don’t think this is has an effect, think again.

     My daughter is in the chorus at school.  They are having a hard time getting boys to join.  Oh they are in the band, and a few are in the orchestra, but for some reason, chorus isn’t cool.   With all the discussion we have surrounding our girls…have we left our boys behind?  Does he have to worry that his peers will think lesser of him because he isn’t cut out for sports?   Can he like science and math without being called a geek?  What if he is more interested in art and music?  How long does it take before he realizes his potential?  High school?  Longer?  It has to start younger.

     Parents have to take the lead from their kids.  I have witnessed too many forcing their children to participate in activities that they are clearly not enjoying.  I have heard grown men yell at young boys to toughen up, shake it off, run faster, work harder.  I’m talking about little kids here, not high school or college athletes.  There is a fine line between encouraging children to do better, and belittling them when they don’t live up to expectations which are usually set too high.  If kids find something they can throw their heart and soul into, they will usually succeed without pressure from their parents.  They will never know what they are good at if not given the freedom to choose.

     I hope the little boy is wearing that striped shirt knows he doesn’t have to identify himself by a graphic.  He can grow up to be anything he wants and not have to wonder what others think.  He can join the chorus if he likes to sing.  He doesn’t have to play sports if he doesn’t want to.  He can do well academically without being called a nerd.   He should have the freedom to choose.  Just like our girls.