The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Math, Science, and Girls

     In 1947, a 17 year old young woman graduated from high school in Upstate, NY.   Having an A+ average, she was accepted into New York University.  The following fall, she traveled down to the city to begin her studies in biology.  Two months after receiving her degree, she accepted a job working in the cancer research labs at Sloan-Kettering.  In time, she was in charge of an entire lab.  Who is she?  She is my mother.

    I am perplexed by stories about young women not choosing careers studies in math and science.  So much is discussed and written in terms of the society preventing females from following this path.  While I don’t disagree that there may still be some obstacles out there, I do believe that the family has the biggest impact on the choices of our girls.   My mother’s family didn’t totally understand why she chose to study biology.  They thought nursing was a more viable option.  Yet, they did not prevent her from choosing her major.  The same followed for me and my siblings.  Whatever choices we made regarding school or career was ours to make.

     The fact that I had a parent who was allowed to make such a decision played a huge factor in knowing that I had the freedom to go into science.   My younger sister also made the same choice and became a successful engineer.   The achievement in math and science in my family was considered a good thing, and not something to disregard because we were girls.  I remember at the time some of my peers not having the same encouragement.  Their families felt that it was wiser for their daughters to work in a more traditional female job.  That is perfectly acceptable if it is the choice of the young woman, but if she has the talent and the interest to pursue areas pertaining to math and science, the opportunities are abundant.

     Society is not telling our girls they are not good at math and science.  That is a myth that has been handed down through the years.   Lest we forget the thousands of women who went to work during World War II working on projects that required a great deal of technical aptitude.  There have been many women who have made discoveries besides Madam Curie not present in our history books.  There are numerous female doctors, engineers, researchers, and professors who are presently working in a multitude of capacities.   There are a considerable number of female high school science teachers who present a role model to our children every day.  No one in “society” is telling our girls not to pursue their dreams.

     In 1947, a brilliant young woman walked her own path.  There were many others just like her who paved the road way before the issue of female equality was explored.  If they were able to do it during their lifetime, there is no reason why women today can’t as well.  It takes determination, hard work, encouragement, and a desire to live out a chance of fulfillment.  Let us stop telling stories about women not doing something because of society, and start telling about women who do because they can.

Once a Teacher…..

     Once upon a time, many years ago, I was a teacher.   I went on maternity leave after my first was born with the idea that at some point I would return to the classroom.   Two years later, I had another child and the idea of going back to work was put on the back burner.  I finally realized that as an older mom, with some past medical issues, I just didn’t have the energy to pull off the demands of teaching and raising my 2 girls.  Fortunately my husband’s income is enough for us to live on.   I have volunteered in the elementary school for the past few years, but there has always the gnawing feeling of wanting to do more.  I toyed with the various ways I could volunteer in the community, and finally decided on the best fit for me.  I have become a Literacy Volunteer.

     I was a high school science teacher, but reading is a whole new subject.  I have finished the training and am only beginning this new experience.   What is enjoyable is realizing that all the training and skill I acquired during my working days has risen to the surface.   It has been there all along, lying dormant, waiting for an opportunity.  The planning of a lesson, and deciding on what methods to use, has awoken all the abilities I possessed as a classroom teacher.  It has been a reminder of why I became a teacher in the first place.   It was always to help individuals realize their true potential and to guide them towards a productive future.

     Confidentiality is required in the process.   I would never share personal information, so I will not be giving any specific updates.  My hope is that I can help people better theirs lives by improving their ability to read and write.   Those who dedicate their lives to teaching are not in it for the pay, the hours, awards, or recognition. They do it because they understand the value of an education and how it can better the lives of future generations.   They do it because they have compassion, patience, dedication, and revel in the joy of learning.   It doesn’t matter if the student load is 20, 100, or in my case 1.   An individual, who becomes a teacher, is a teacher for life. It is a vocation and calling that is more than just a job.  I have come to understand the reality of once you become a teacher, you will always be a teacher.  I am happy for the return.

Moving on Through Life

                                                                                                                                          

      My daughter is “graduating” from elementary school.   Her feelings are bittersweet.  She loves her school and has had a wonderful experience, but she is excited to be moving on to middle school.    She stated hopefully middle and high school won’t go too fast so I don’t have to attend so many graduations.  My thoughts were more along the line of not having to see her grow up too fast.

     Like most parents, some of the deepest conversations happen in the car.  For only being 11 years old, she is able to comprehend the meaning of many topics I discuss with her.  The main point stressed in this recent talk was to enjoy the stage you find yourself living at the moment.  Being young is great.  It is fun, exciting, and full of energy, but life doesn’t stop at a certain age.  I have known people well into their 80’s, even 90’s that were still having a great time.

      There are bumps along the way.  There are challenges that are sad and/or difficult.  There will be periods of uncertainty, confusion, and disbelief.  The key is to keep looking forward and find a way to change what is not working.  To work towards increasing the comfort and happiness in living a good life.  To surround ourselves with people who are good for us, and constantly take a chance of trying something new.

     My daughter is 11.  I don’t expect her to understand all the challenges and experiences that lie before her, but I do want her to know that change isn’t a bad thing.  People waste too much time worrying and fretting about getting older.  There is nothing any of us can do about it, so live the age you are now.  To everyone who is moving on, remember the past, enjoy the present, and look to the future with an eager and happy heart.  You only go around once.

Enough is Enough

Official seal of Newtown, Connecticut (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

      On a beautiful Friday morning, the world changed forever.  In Newtown, CT,  26 sweet souls lost their lives in a senseless act of destruction.  I have not been able to shed any tears.  I think I am still in the shock of disbelief.  I am so angry that the perpetrator targeted an elementary school for an act so horrid.   There are no words to explain why this continues to happen in this country.  I heard on one news report that 100,000 Americans have been killed in America, by Americans, since 9/11.  So much focus has been placed on securing our safety from terrorists.   While this is certainly important, the safety of our citizens within our own towns, cities, malls, movie theatres, and schools is another area that deserves immediate attention.

      Our constitution provides the right to bear arms.  This was written at a time in history when the nation was still growing.  It was also essential that people had the ability to hunt for food in order to survive.  Much has changed in the hundreds of years that have passed since its inception.  No one needs a gun that is capable of shooting off multiple rounds of ammunition.  There is no reason for the average citizen to be in possession of this type of assault weapon.  Gun proponents will not be able to convince me that it is right of anyone to own this type of artillery.  Why they continue to have such a hold on our leaders in unacceptable.

    There is much we have ignored.  There are many neighborhoods in this country where its residents live in fear every day.  It has now spilled into areas of the unexpected.  I used to live in the Sandy Hook section of Newtown.  When I became pregnant with my second daughter, my husband and I decided we needed a home with more space.  Eventually we found a home in a neighboring town.  Had we not moved, that same child would have been in Sandy Hook Elementary School.  I agree that never would anyone have thought this could happen in a small community which places a high value on its youth.  Now that it has, we as people need to speak up, act, and work towards building a better society.  If it could happen there, it could happen anywhere.

     Good people in our country should not have to worry that if they go to the movies, or stop for a bite to eat at the mall, they will be in danger.  That if they go to work, they will have to stare into the face of a disgruntled employee.  That if they go to a place of worship, they will be met with evil while they pray.  That if they send their smallest children off to school, they will not come home.  That if they choose a career path of working with those children, they will be forced into a position of having to protect them, and possibly lose their life.

      It is now time for all citizens to send messages to Congress and the President that we need change, and we need it fast.  I am tired of hearing mental illness is the reason for these acts.  I am sure there is more that can be done in that area, but we also need to revise our gun laws, strengthen our communities, and provide a society where people can live without fear, heartache, and left asking why.  Enough is enough.

http://signon.org/sign/gun-control-now-1.fb23?source=s.icn.fb&r_by=6446212

Shopping for School Supplies

     Every June, my daughters come home with a list of needed supplies for the next school year.   An opportunity is provided to purchase these items through the school, but since I already have many, I opt out of the program.  Here is where Target comes to the rescue.  In order to avoid the last-minute rush, we usually shop at the end of July. This year, as we were placing the pile of necessities on the checkout belt, I asked my girls if they really needed all of that stuff and did they use it all. Then I stated that when I went to school, (sounding like an old lady), all I needed was a notebook and a pen.  The cashier started to laugh.

     I remember being excited to go back to school.  It was usually after Labor Day, which signified the end of summer, and the beginning of fall.  The one staple I always got was a blue canvas notebook, filled with ruled paper divided up by those plastic tab sheets that separated the subjects.  I had a ruler and some pens and pencils.   That was it.  NOW….we need folders and binders of multiple colors, dozens of pencils and pens, index cards, post-it notes, eraser caps, highlighters, glue sticks, sharpies, colored pencils, crayons, and markers.  Of course we also need a pencil box to put it all in.  

     Wait…we aren’t done yet!   We still need a backpack and lunch bag.  I use to carry my books.  Now we need a backpack big enough to hold all these materials as well as a smock, library books, and other items based on grade level.  This involves visiting numerous stores until we find the one we like the best.  If I brought lunch from home, it was in a paper bag.  I don’t remember ever getting sick, even if I brought something with mayo.  Today we need an insulated bag with an ice pack, and multiple snacks and drinks to get through the day.  We drank water from the water fountain.  My elementary school was so old we probably drank lead, and were exposed to asbestos.  Water bottles and juice boxes did not exist.

     I don’t purchase clothes until fall.  Most retailers are trying to get rid of summer stock and the month of September is still warm.  I did get a head start on winter jackets only because it was tax-free week, and I got a great deal on the web.  The tax savings isn’t anything compared to the discounts that will occur on new clothing in a few months.  So, I am not one of the many out and about in the shops this week.

     The summer has been fun, but it flew by.  As my girls enter another year, it makes me realize that they continue to grow, and the days of them being young are going a little too fast.  The bottom line is that they love school, and are excited to be returning soon.  They will see their friends, meet another great teacher, and learn new things.  When all is said and done, that is worth the cost of supplies.

What Students Need to Succeed

The past few weeks have been filled with articles and media reports concerning the education reform package presented by Governor Malloy.  Much of the focus has been centered on teacher preparation, certification, tenure, and salary.  It is not within reason to want to examine these areas along with the curriculum standards that are now in place.  What is troubling is that there appears to be a consensus that there are a great number of teachers who are not qualified, or conscientious enough for the day-to-day learning of students.  When the goal is to improve the achievement of students, other factors need to be considered before any real change can occur.

The steps towards certification in the state of Connecticut are among the most rigorous in the nation.  There are numerous requirements which must be met in order to reach certain levels.  This usually takes years to achieve.  Evaluations and professional development is ongoing in most districts, and teachers must take additional credits in order to maintain their license.  If a teacher is not sufficiently doing their job, or are not observed to be effective, there are plenty of opportunities early on in their career to not grant certification, or to be released by a district.  It is up to the administrative staff, central office, and the state to make this determination, and to have the fortitude to follow through with the decision.

The other factors that come into to play are those which no school, principal, or teacher has control. Children need to understand from a young age that school is important.  Attendance is critical.  I have seen many students miss too many days to be successful.  Children also need an adequate amount of rest.  Letting young children stay up late is not beneficial to learning.  They also have to be taught how to behave and be respectful. Too much class time is spent dealing with inappropriate behavior.  This has nothing to do with a teacher having control.  Homework needs to be completed and handed in on time.  Less time should be spent on video games or other electronic devices, and more should be spent on reading.

Every student needs a parent, grandparent, guardian, or someone responsible in their life that will ensure that they are prepared and active in their learning.  I have seen students in homes run by single moms, working two jobs, go on to college and be successful.  I have seen students from all socio-economic levels who are neglected and don’t care about school.  It takes caring adults to encourage, inspire, and motivate young people. It takes adults outside of the school to make sure that education is a priority in the life of a child.

Teachers play a significant role in the education of a youngster, but they can’t do it alone.  There is no single method that allows every student to succeed.   Urban schools are dealing with more issues than their suburban counterparts.  They need more assistance in terms of staffing, materials, and social services.  It is easy to point fingers and lay blame. Teaching is the one occupation that everyone thinks they understand or know how to do better.  It takes more than a few hours on a tour, or even a whole day, to truly understand the magnitude of variables that is facing one person standing alone in a room.

I have met very few teachers that didn’t care about kids.  They want to see all students succeed.  They fret about the children who were struggling, and work hard to find a way to help.  So change the requirements, and change the curriculum, but if you don’t concentrate on the social, emotional, and behavior of our young, nothing will be different.  Education doesn’t occur only in a school building.  The whole day of a child has an impact.  That is the message that needs reinforcing.  That is the area that will have the most effect in terms of future success.

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The Anger of a Second Grade Boy

        I saw a story this morning on GMA about a second grade boy in Colorado, whose behavior was so violent, the police had to be called.  He had been spitting, throwing chairs, and swearing.  He told his teachers that he was going to kill them and was holding a sharp knife-like piece of wood.  His reaction towards the police was the same at which point they decided to use pepper spray on the child.  When his mother arrived she was horrified that her son had been treated this way, and filed a complaint against the police department.  The reaction to this story had been overwhelming.  Many are choosing sides as to who is wrong or right.  I think the situation is a little more complex than that. 

     He is in a class for children with behavioral issues.  His mother claims he only has problems at school.  Elizabeth Vargas, who has small children herself, tried to get this child to admit that his behavior was out of control.  He held back a bit and seemed like he really didn’t understand why it was so bad.  His mother feels excessive force was used.  Not being in the situation at the time we can only speculate what occurred.  But, the school has a commitment to provide a safe environment for all.  This is where we run into problems.

    There are many kids who cause disruptions in the classroom.  The attention all seems to focus on those one or two individuals and not on the climate of the entire room.  Where do the rights of the kids who behave come in?  How can a teacher be responsible for the learning and safety of all when these situations arise?  I find it interesting that these are the issues that create the most action by parents.  Right away they are in the office.  Right away they are seeking lawyers.  They don’t see that there is a much bigger problem in front of their eyes.

    This little boy is a ticking time bomb.  It will only be a matter of time before he hurts himself or others.  The focus should be on getting him the right kind of help he needs while he is still young.  There is something bothering him.  He seems to be deeply troubled.  This isn’t about the police, the school, or the teachers. The story has created much publicity, but I feel those closest to him need to put their energy into the child and let the other concerns rest.  I wish him well.