The Housework Aerobic Workout

     Thirty years ago, Jane Fonda came out with her first workout video.   It became a sensation.  Every woman over 30 wanted to look like Jane.  Aerobic exercise was all the rage, and people started flocking to gyms to get themselves fit and trim.  My mother watched all this with great interest.  Having 5 kids, she did more than her share of housework.   Her statement at the time was….”I don’t have to do aerobics.  I run up and down those stairs a million times a day!”  Now that I am in her position, I know exactly what she means.

     I have it easy compared to my mother.  I only have 2 children, and appliances have gotten more advanced in terms of cleaning.   That doesn’t mean I enjoy it, but there is less scrubbing and rinsing than I remember when I was young.   Still, there is a certain amount of energy and movement that is required for doing these chores.  Lifting, bending, pushing, and stretching are what this body of mine experiences every day.

     I have tried many forms of exercise.   My past workouts consisted mostly of swimming and walking, but I also have lifted weights, used machines, and have done some yoga.   I was in the best shape of my life when my girls were babies and toddlers.  Your arms and abs get fully toned from lifting baby carriers, and taking kids in and out of car seats, shopping carriages, cribs, etc.   You are constantly running after them when they learn to walk.  Now that they are older, the lifting has stopped (not the running), but the work goes on.  Bathrooms, kitchens, laundry, cooking, food shopping, being a taxi never ends, and never goes on vacation.

     I once had a doctor ask me what I did for exercise.  At the time, I was walking the dog 2 miles a day, and taking yoga classes.   HE didn’t seem satisfied with my answer and kept pressing for more.  I finally said…”I never sit.”  That ended of the conversation.  I still walk the dog, try to fit in yoga, and yes, I still do housework.  This being a long winter, the snow blower became my best friend, and I used the shovel so much that my arms didn’t hurt after the third storm.

     I often see groups of women running up and down Main Street where I live.  They have on the all the gear, headbands, running shoes, and seem to do it every day.  They are in perfect shape and look good even when exercising.   But to all the moms out there, who feel they should do more to stay fit, don’t worry about it.  You are all beautiful.  Years later, Jane admitted to surgery.  Take out that vacuum, run up and down those stairs, and know you are great the way you are.

The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Thanksgiving 2013

     Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  It is a day spent with family enjoying a nice meal.  I don’t go to stores on Black Friday, or the whole weekend for that matter.  It is a time to appreciate and be grateful for the good in our lives.  This year I have made a list of that which I am thankful.  It reflects what at times we seem to forget or take for granted.

I am thankful for the adults who watch over my children.  Teachers, bus drivers, dance instructors, cafeteria workers, aides, librarians, etc.  They are dedicated and work hard to help our kids grow, mature, learn, and have fun.

I am thankful that about all other qualities, my kids are kind to others.

I am grateful for the doctors who continue to follow-up on my healthcare.  It is always a huge relief to hear I am well.

I am happy that the Northeast had a wonderful Fall season.  It was nice to see the leaves change color without a freak snowstorm or hurricane ruining the annual display. Many days were warm as well.

I am thankful that I had an opportunity to see many friends I have not seen in years.  It is incredible how we can pick right up were we left off with lots of laughter.

I am thankful that despite its difficulties and hard times, we still live in the greatest country on earth.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Angela

Moving on Through Life

                                                                                                                                          

      My daughter is “graduating” from elementary school.   Her feelings are bittersweet.  She loves her school and has had a wonderful experience, but she is excited to be moving on to middle school.    She stated hopefully middle and high school won’t go too fast so I don’t have to attend so many graduations.  My thoughts were more along the line of not having to see her grow up too fast.

     Like most parents, some of the deepest conversations happen in the car.  For only being 11 years old, she is able to comprehend the meaning of many topics I discuss with her.  The main point stressed in this recent talk was to enjoy the stage you find yourself living at the moment.  Being young is great.  It is fun, exciting, and full of energy, but life doesn’t stop at a certain age.  I have known people well into their 80’s, even 90’s that were still having a great time.

      There are bumps along the way.  There are challenges that are sad and/or difficult.  There will be periods of uncertainty, confusion, and disbelief.  The key is to keep looking forward and find a way to change what is not working.  To work towards increasing the comfort and happiness in living a good life.  To surround ourselves with people who are good for us, and constantly take a chance of trying something new.

     My daughter is 11.  I don’t expect her to understand all the challenges and experiences that lie before her, but I do want her to know that change isn’t a bad thing.  People waste too much time worrying and fretting about getting older.  There is nothing any of us can do about it, so live the age you are now.  To everyone who is moving on, remember the past, enjoy the present, and look to the future with an eager and happy heart.  You only go around once.

Life on a 2 inch Screen

     In my last post, I described my visit to Disney World.   One of the points I didn’t mentioned was before every show, an announcement was made that no recording or flash photography could take place during the performance.  It was music to my ears.  It seems in the past few years, everyone is recording every event that occurs in their lives.  This all started with the invention of the video camera.  Now with cell phones, iPads, YouTube and other social media, the world has become one giant movie.

     We waited for the parade in the Magic Kingdom one afternoon during our trip.  People were polite and courteous while standing along the road.  When the parade reached our area, a women standing next to me kept sticking her elbow in my side.  She had her iPad up in the air in order to record the whole parade.  In my passive aggressive way I refused to move over.  I’m sure she didn’t appreciate the clapping and calling out  of the names of characters as they went by, but I didn’t care.  I was enjoying the moment with my kids and wasn’t going to stifle my fun for someone documenting their entire day.

     Before we had kids, and had two incomes, my husband and I went on a cruise to Alaska.  The only way to get from location to location is by boat or air since the state does not have many roads of connection.  We noticed that while the boat was moving, the crowds were nowhere to be seen.  It was us and about 12 other people wearing parkas observing the wonderful landscape.  When the boat stopped, the people came out of the casino, the pools, and the food and play areas, and took sudden interest in the sites.  At the time video cameras were the means of recording, and they came out in force.  Tripods were set up, people jockeyed for the best position, and it was taped for remembrance.  When the show was over, the people disappeared.  My husband commented that that those people were experiencing Alaska through a 2 inch screen.

     I often wonder what children think when their parents tell them what to do for the camera.  Many times they want a reenactment of something a child did spontaneously. They tell them not only what to do or say, but how to do it.  Most kids I know don’t repeat what you want them to do when asked.  This causes many parents to become exasperated because they can’t capture that precious moment.  Maybe these kids are onto something.  I remember a movie called Truman starring Jim Carrey.  Unbeknownst to Truman, his whole life was being monitored, and a live feed was blasted across televisions nationwide.  Everything around him was set-up to provide the drama.  People, buildings, and events, were planned to create a kind of documentary reality show.  When Truman found out, he walked out and said goodbye.

     I have a video camera.  I film my kids a few times a year.  Most of it takes place the backyard, or the house of mine and other family members.  I don’t feel like I can fully experience what is going on around me if I have to keep focus through a screen.  So much time during the total happening is lost.  I know I am old school, but I prefer still photography.  There is something captured in a moment that I find quite satisfying.  A facial expression, the time of day, the surroundings, the people grouped together, the memory of time and place.  It is nice to have some photos and videos as remembrance, but the best movie of all is the one that plays out in our heads.  The memories we hold of loved ones, events, and life in general.  My grandmother said it best.  Once at a wedding, she couldn’t get over the number of photos that were being taken.  She commented…”All these pictures.  You only need one.”  How right she was.

Remote Uncontrollable

     Last fall, after many months of holding out, I bought a new car.   My old car was 15 years old and seeing better days.  It had power windows but no remote.   It was such a burden when my children were babies to open doors with a key.  Sometimes I even had to put them down on the ground while I fiddled with keys, doors, car seats, strollers, and baby carriers.  I thought my life would become much easier now that I had a car with doors that would magically open and close with the click of a button.  Little did I know how confusing and humorous  would become my attempts to catch up with modern society.

     My husband has an older version of the same model.  I know how to operate his remote.  One click unlocks the driver’s side; two opens all the other doors.  With newer models come changes.  Mine is the same except there is a different button to open the rear hatch.  Approaching the car with a load of groceries becomes a comedy of errors.  Beep, Beep, Beep…what did I just open?  Is the back open?  Maybe I touched the wrong button.  Ok, got it open, put the groceries in, close the door.  Now get in to drive.  The door is locked.  Ugh…now push another button.  By now people probably think I am breaking in.

     The other issue is that it is extremely sensitive.  Lean on it, beep. Drop it on the ground or somewhere in the car, beep.  The lights start flashing on and off.  This causes me to start talking, out loud, to the car.  So far this has only taken place in my driveway so I have not created the spectacle of a person talking to themselves.

     I have one question.   Why did they have to change what already worked so well?  Maybe my lack of experience is the problem.  It makes me think about other remote controls.  How many of those buttons on televisions, DVD players, and cable boxes do we actually use?  Do we even know that most of them do?  If you read the manuals that come with these devices, it’s like looking at a foreign language.

     I sure at some point using this remote will become second nature, and the beeping will become less.  I am happy with my purchase.  It is comfortable and has working heat and air.  The drive is smoother and quieter.  I adjusted to all the other features in no time and do not miss my old one at all.  Change happens all the time, and technology is making these changes occur more frequently.  It seems not so long ago when we actually had to roll down the windows.  I don’t think I’ll wait another 15 years before I buy another new car.  I might not be able to open the doors.

 

 

A Closet Full of Memories

     I was 7 months pregnant, and had a 2 year old when we bought our present home.   My vow not to accumulate piles of stuff evaporated once I had a baby, a toddler, and 4 pets to look after.  That was 8 years ago.  Into my closet I stored away, clothes, cameras, important papers, cards, crafts, old tickets to shows, and various other items I deemed necessary to keep.   Finally, this week, I decided to clean out the mess it had become.

     I have no problem getting rid of clothes and shoes.  There are items that I haven’t worn in about 10 years.  Most are terribly outdated.   Some I just don’t wear, so the various piles of donating and throwing out are being made.  Looking at these old clothes reminds me of what I was doing at the time, and places I have been, but the memories are in my head and don’t need to be worn.   They say if you haven’t put it on in 2 years, get rid of it.  Consider it done.  I’ve gone from “Maybe I will wear it sometime.” to “You know you are never going to wear it.”

     Next on the list is paper.  This is a major problem for me.   Lately I have been better, but I tend to let papers pile up.   I have old bills for items I bought or had serviced.   I have receipts for when I bought my car and when it was maintained.  I have old bank statements for accounts I closed years ago.  I have outdated papers regarding my teaching certification.  Since social security numbers are printed on just about everything, the shredder is working overtime.  The satisfaction is seeing the piles of these papers disappear.  Yes, I remember the day I bought that car.  Yes, I remember how I worked to maintain my teaching credentials.  It all seems like a lifetime ago, but I remember.

     Other items are more personal in nature.  My wedding dress and cards that we were given.  I have a collection of old cameras that I want to keep.  Pictures and ticket stubs to events I attended.  Items I picked up on trips.  Purses, tote bags, and hats which are unique and actually used.  These I will keep, but I will seriously have to think about purchasing anything similar when it catches my eye.  Do I really need for more to end up in the closet?

     Lastly, and with more difficulty, are the papers that involve my children.  I have cards sent when they were born.  I have papers from the hospital.  I have everything they made in preschool and kindergarten in my closet.  (First grade on is somewhere else.)  I have piles of photos of when they were babies.  Looking back, I wonder where the time has gone.  They were so little and now my oldest is 11.  Her sister is 8.  Those years of early childhood…gone.   Yet they still have so much growing to do.  I am enjoying this age of being able to have a discussion with them.  I enjoy watching their interests and skills develop.  The best part about seeing those old photos, crafts they made and stories they wrote, is that it all makes me smile.  I don’t know if I am going to be able to part with any of it.  I think I’ll be making some scrapbooks very soon.  Until then..shhhhh…I’ll keep it all in the closet.

Mirror, Mirror, Who is That?

     I don’t like to shop.  Let me rephrase that, I don’t like to shop for me.  I have a hard time finding clothes I like.  Maybe I’m too picky.  Maybe I don’t care.  In reality, I’m a blue jeans girl in a fashionista world.  My idea of looking presentable these days is a newer pair of jeans with a comfortable top.  I appreciate good fashion, and I like watching Project Runway, but the whole ordeal of finding something to wear is exhausting and frustrating.  There are times however, when an occasion arises that forces me into the mall.

     Recently I was invited to a wedding.  Looking in the closet, I realized I hadn’t bought a dressy outfit in about 10 years.  Some still fit, but none seemed suitable enough to wear to a winter event.  So, I eventually decided to hit the mall.  I was determined to find something.  I walked the entire length, went into every store, and eventually landed in Macy’s.  I was surprised to actually find a few dresses to try on given the fact that many were for a much younger woman or, for a much older woman.  Being in that middle age range is like falling into the black hole of apparel.

    I was appreciative that the saleswomen didn’t follow me into the dressing room.  I know what I like, and know if I like how it looks on me.  I hung my selections on the hook, undressed, and turned around.  Maybe it was the glow of the fluorescent light.  Maybe it was the multiple angles in which I was given the opportunity to observe myself.  Maybe it was because I was tired and in bad need of a haircut.  I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.  Suddenly I looked so much older than I do in my mirror at home.  Suddenly I looked about 10 pounds overweight.   I looked like a cross between a before picture and a mug shot.  Who was that stranger looking back at me?

    After getting over the initial shock, I found a nice dress and was happy with my purchase.  The next week I got a haircut.  For some reason, it always makes me feel lighter and energized.  The wedding was fun (more in another post) and I had a great time.  Last week I was thinking about the eyes we look out with.  The eyes that make an effort to be happy, smile, and enjoy life as well as deal with hard times.  The eyes that observe all around us and help us make wise decisions.  The eyes that look toward the future, reminisce about the past, and watch generations move along.  Aging of the body is a natural process in which we have no control.  More important is how we feel, how we live, and what we experience.  The mirror doesn’t show us that.

Mirror, Mirror, Who is THAT?

     I don’t like to shop.  Let me rephrase that, I don’t like to shop for me.  I have a hard time finding clothes I like.  Maybe I’m too picky.  Maybe I don’t care.  In reality, I’m a blue jeans girl in a fashionista world.  My idea of looking presentable these days is a newer pair of jeans with a comfortable top.  I appreciate good fashion, and I like watching Project Runway, but the whole ordeal of finding something to wear is exhausting and frustrating.  There are times however, when an occasion arises that forces me into the mall.

     Recently I was invited to a wedding.  Looking in the closet, I realized I hadn’t bought a dressy outfit in about 10 years.  Some still fit, but none seemed suitable enough to wear to a winter event.  So, I eventually decided to hit the mall.  I was determined to find something.  I walked the entire length, went into every store, and eventually landed in Macy’s.  I was surprised to actually find a few dresses to try on given the fact that many were for a much younger woman or, for a much older woman.  Being in that middle age range is like falling into the black hole of apparel.

    I was appreciative that the saleswomen didn’t follow me into the dressing room.  I know what I like, and know if I like how it looks on me.  I hung my selections on the hook, undressed, and turned around.  Maybe it was the glow of the fluorescent light.  Maybe it was the multiple angles in which I was given the opportunity to observe myself.  Maybe it was because I was tired and in bad need of a haircut.  I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.  Suddenly I looked so much older than I do in my mirror at home.  Suddenly I looked about 10 pounds overweight.   I looked like a cross between a before picture and a mug shot.  Who was that stranger looking back at me?

    After getting over the initial shock, I found a nice dress and was happy with my purchase.  The next week I got a haircut.  For some reason, it always makes me feel lighter and energized.  The wedding was fun (more in another post) and I had a great time.  Last week I was thinking about the eyes we look out with.  The eyes that make an effort to be happy, smile, and enjoy life as well as deal with hard times.  The eyes that observe all around us and help us make wise decisions.  The eyes that look toward the future, reminisce about the past, and watch generations move along.  Aging of the body is a natural process in which we have no control.  More important is how we feel, how we live, and what we experience.  The mirror doesn’t show us that.

Hiding Behind a User Name

      I was taught if you can’t say something nice about a person, don’t say anything at all.  That rule of courtesy doesn’t always seem to apply for some when making comments online.  I have noticed many people, who speak in the harshest of tone, don’t use their real name. I understand privacy is an online right, but what is alarming is how vicious and close-minded some of the statements are.  If an individual feels they have the right to speak their minds, then they should be willing to identify themselves.   Hiding behind a user name is an excuse to spew out vile, mean, and ridiculous comments that only serve to offend, ridicule, and make fun of people or situations.

    What is interesting is the choice of some of these names.   Some name themselves after places or feelings.  Others use the names of fictional characters.  Others pick descriptive phrases that pertain to an issue or situation.  I am alarmed at what some of these hiders say when they are anonymous.  It is an insight into what people really think in society.  I don’t care that they have an opinion.  It doesn’t bother me if they say something I don’t agree with.  What I don’t like is the degree to which they will go to comment.   Individuals will rip apart the appearance, ethnic, racial, religion, or sexual orientation of people involved in the topic.  They will make hurtful or sarcastic remarks that have nothing to do with the issue being discussed.   Some users will actually engage in online road rage and go back and forth with insults.

     I have the choice not to read comments or participate in an online discussion.  What I wonder is how many of these people are adults with children.  Do they speak this way within earshot of their kids?  Are they having discussions with other adults thinking that their children aren’t listening?  Do they shout at the television or in the car when they see or hear something they don’t like?  Do they insult others on a regular basis?  Believe me, kids hear and see everything.  You make think they aren’t listening, but those little ears are taking it all in.

     I often tell my daughters that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and thoughts.  What some people like, others will not.  Everyone has the right to do what they choose as long as they don’t hurt anyone.  We often think about children and teenagers when discussing the topic of bullying.  In reality, it is around us all every day.  Society has to learn to listen, talk, share, and discuss issues without shouting, name-calling, and tearing into people with whom we disagree.  So much more could be accomplished, and more people would exist in a happier environment.  Try using your real name when making comments and it might make you think twice about what you really want to say.