Learning to Let Go

Worry (Photo credit: StormKatt)

     I am 40 minutes from my home.  My daughter is rehearsing for a show at a theatre down the road this week.   I am waiting out the time by shopping in nearby stores and finding places to sit.   Right now I am in Panera Bread where I just had dinner and am taking advantage of free Wi-Fi.   This is something I would have never done years ago.   I was too self-conscious to sit by myself among strangers.   But years have passed.  I have grown older, wiser, and no longer care.

     In a conversation with my youngest sister, I told her there will come a day when you will stop being concerned about what people say to or about you.  I used to be a worrier.  I worried about school, work, money, having friends, my weight, the weather…you get it.  The reality is we can only control so much.  Sometimes things are what they are and nothing we say or do will change it.

     I’m not talking about social issues or concerns.  There are a number of causes that people need to continue working towards to find better solutions.  Rather I am referring to petty comments or the constant comparing that some people feel the need to promote.   Many of these people don’t really care about you or your situation, but for some reason it makes them feel better to express a sense of superiority or envy.  Some even make a contest out of who has it worse.  You had the flu…they had it worse.   You went without electricity for 9 days….they didn’t have cable.   I would be rich if I could cash in on the number of times people have stated how lucky I am.

     There are people who have been a dealt a difficult hand, and life is hard for them.   I have no doubt that in some ways I have been fortunate in life.  But luck had nothing to do with everything I achieved.  Hard work, determination, sacrifice, and perseverance are the forces that ultimately determined the life I lead.  I have had my share of ups and downs, some difficult, some easy, some strange, some miraculous.  All has led to a peacefulness that I did not have in my younger days.  So to anyone who is fearful of getting older I say, rejoice, soon you will be able to let go of what amounts to nonsense. When the voices of others, or even your own fills your head, you will be able to say to yourself…..I just don’t care.  You might even smile.

Mirror, Mirror, Who is That?

     I don’t like to shop.  Let me rephrase that, I don’t like to shop for me.  I have a hard time finding clothes I like.  Maybe I’m too picky.  Maybe I don’t care.  In reality, I’m a blue jeans girl in a fashionista world.  My idea of looking presentable these days is a newer pair of jeans with a comfortable top.  I appreciate good fashion, and I like watching Project Runway, but the whole ordeal of finding something to wear is exhausting and frustrating.  There are times however, when an occasion arises that forces me into the mall.

     Recently I was invited to a wedding.  Looking in the closet, I realized I hadn’t bought a dressy outfit in about 10 years.  Some still fit, but none seemed suitable enough to wear to a winter event.  So, I eventually decided to hit the mall.  I was determined to find something.  I walked the entire length, went into every store, and eventually landed in Macy’s.  I was surprised to actually find a few dresses to try on given the fact that many were for a much younger woman or, for a much older woman.  Being in that middle age range is like falling into the black hole of apparel.

    I was appreciative that the saleswomen didn’t follow me into the dressing room.  I know what I like, and know if I like how it looks on me.  I hung my selections on the hook, undressed, and turned around.  Maybe it was the glow of the fluorescent light.  Maybe it was the multiple angles in which I was given the opportunity to observe myself.  Maybe it was because I was tired and in bad need of a haircut.  I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.  Suddenly I looked so much older than I do in my mirror at home.  Suddenly I looked about 10 pounds overweight.   I looked like a cross between a before picture and a mug shot.  Who was that stranger looking back at me?

    After getting over the initial shock, I found a nice dress and was happy with my purchase.  The next week I got a haircut.  For some reason, it always makes me feel lighter and energized.  The wedding was fun (more in another post) and I had a great time.  Last week I was thinking about the eyes we look out with.  The eyes that make an effort to be happy, smile, and enjoy life as well as deal with hard times.  The eyes that observe all around us and help us make wise decisions.  The eyes that look toward the future, reminisce about the past, and watch generations move along.  Aging of the body is a natural process in which we have no control.  More important is how we feel, how we live, and what we experience.  The mirror doesn’t show us that.