The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Learning to Let Go

Worry (Photo credit: StormKatt)

     I am 40 minutes from my home.  My daughter is rehearsing for a show at a theatre down the road this week.   I am waiting out the time by shopping in nearby stores and finding places to sit.   Right now I am in Panera Bread where I just had dinner and am taking advantage of free Wi-Fi.   This is something I would have never done years ago.   I was too self-conscious to sit by myself among strangers.   But years have passed.  I have grown older, wiser, and no longer care.

     In a conversation with my youngest sister, I told her there will come a day when you will stop being concerned about what people say to or about you.  I used to be a worrier.  I worried about school, work, money, having friends, my weight, the weather…you get it.  The reality is we can only control so much.  Sometimes things are what they are and nothing we say or do will change it.

     I’m not talking about social issues or concerns.  There are a number of causes that people need to continue working towards to find better solutions.  Rather I am referring to petty comments or the constant comparing that some people feel the need to promote.   Many of these people don’t really care about you or your situation, but for some reason it makes them feel better to express a sense of superiority or envy.  Some even make a contest out of who has it worse.  You had the flu…they had it worse.   You went without electricity for 9 days….they didn’t have cable.   I would be rich if I could cash in on the number of times people have stated how lucky I am.

     There are people who have been a dealt a difficult hand, and life is hard for them.   I have no doubt that in some ways I have been fortunate in life.  But luck had nothing to do with everything I achieved.  Hard work, determination, sacrifice, and perseverance are the forces that ultimately determined the life I lead.  I have had my share of ups and downs, some difficult, some easy, some strange, some miraculous.  All has led to a peacefulness that I did not have in my younger days.  So to anyone who is fearful of getting older I say, rejoice, soon you will be able to let go of what amounts to nonsense. When the voices of others, or even your own fills your head, you will be able to say to yourself…..I just don’t care.  You might even smile.

The Main Purpose of a 911 Call

     The State of Connecticut’s Freedom of Information commission has ordered the town of Newtown to release the 911 calls they received on the day of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.  The purpose of obtaining these calls is to decide if their content should be made available to the public.  There has been opposition by the families of the victims and their supporters, for this material to be accessible to anyone seeking a request.  Included in this concern are photos depicting the scene after the tragedy.   For years now, 911 calls and crime scene photos have made their way into mainstream media and the internet.  We are taught to call 911 only when there is a true emergency to report.  Dispatchers then notify the appropriate personnel to the scene. The purpose of the call is to alert police, fire, and medical responders, not for the media, print, or internet reporting.

     As the years have gone by, more and more of these calls have been played on network news and talk shows.  The fear, anxiety, and sense of helplessness often is heard as the individual at the end of the phone line is reaching out for assistance.   One is often left to wonder what purpose is gained by hearing these voices in distress.   Does it help in any way?  Does it make us understand the trauma those individuals suffered?  Do seeing pictures of victims give us, the public, any more information?  There are reports that some of the first responders at the scene of the shooting are suffering from mental stress.  What benefit will they, the families, and the public obtain from seeing the images or hearing those cries for help.  This is not one  of the many nightly dramas that opens each episode with a horrific crime scene.  What happened is real, with real people, affecting real lives.  The effects don’t end in an hour, but are everlasting.

     We as a public are not privy to everything.  We abide by doctor-patient confidentiality.  Clergy do not have to report information shared from a member of their congregation.   The names and pictures of juveniles are not reported in regards to a variety of issues.  The identity of abuse victims are not revealed in the press or other media.   The media themselves are protected from exposing sources in the reporting of a story.

     Does this really have to be debated?  Do the families, already dealing with an impossible amount of grief, have to spend time fighting to have calls and photos blocked?   What are we possibly going to find out that we already don’t know?   It doesn’t change what happened.   The images that remain with us should be the smiling faces of the beautiful, innocent children and the 6 caring adults who lost their life on that day.   The information in those calls and in those pictures should be restricted to law enforcement and the courts.   The victims and their families have rights too, and their rights should be respected.  May they be granted the peace they deserve.

Life on a 2 inch Screen

     In my last post, I described my visit to Disney World.   One of the points I didn’t mentioned was before every show, an announcement was made that no recording or flash photography could take place during the performance.  It was music to my ears.  It seems in the past few years, everyone is recording every event that occurs in their lives.  This all started with the invention of the video camera.  Now with cell phones, iPads, YouTube and other social media, the world has become one giant movie.

     We waited for the parade in the Magic Kingdom one afternoon during our trip.  People were polite and courteous while standing along the road.  When the parade reached our area, a women standing next to me kept sticking her elbow in my side.  She had her iPad up in the air in order to record the whole parade.  In my passive aggressive way I refused to move over.  I’m sure she didn’t appreciate the clapping and calling out  of the names of characters as they went by, but I didn’t care.  I was enjoying the moment with my kids and wasn’t going to stifle my fun for someone documenting their entire day.

     Before we had kids, and had two incomes, my husband and I went on a cruise to Alaska.  The only way to get from location to location is by boat or air since the state does not have many roads of connection.  We noticed that while the boat was moving, the crowds were nowhere to be seen.  It was us and about 12 other people wearing parkas observing the wonderful landscape.  When the boat stopped, the people came out of the casino, the pools, and the food and play areas, and took sudden interest in the sites.  At the time video cameras were the means of recording, and they came out in force.  Tripods were set up, people jockeyed for the best position, and it was taped for remembrance.  When the show was over, the people disappeared.  My husband commented that that those people were experiencing Alaska through a 2 inch screen.

     I often wonder what children think when their parents tell them what to do for the camera.  Many times they want a reenactment of something a child did spontaneously. They tell them not only what to do or say, but how to do it.  Most kids I know don’t repeat what you want them to do when asked.  This causes many parents to become exasperated because they can’t capture that precious moment.  Maybe these kids are onto something.  I remember a movie called Truman starring Jim Carrey.  Unbeknownst to Truman, his whole life was being monitored, and a live feed was blasted across televisions nationwide.  Everything around him was set-up to provide the drama.  People, buildings, and events, were planned to create a kind of documentary reality show.  When Truman found out, he walked out and said goodbye.

     I have a video camera.  I film my kids a few times a year.  Most of it takes place the backyard, or the house of mine and other family members.  I don’t feel like I can fully experience what is going on around me if I have to keep focus through a screen.  So much time during the total happening is lost.  I know I am old school, but I prefer still photography.  There is something captured in a moment that I find quite satisfying.  A facial expression, the time of day, the surroundings, the people grouped together, the memory of time and place.  It is nice to have some photos and videos as remembrance, but the best movie of all is the one that plays out in our heads.  The memories we hold of loved ones, events, and life in general.  My grandmother said it best.  Once at a wedding, she couldn’t get over the number of photos that were being taken.  She commented…”All these pictures.  You only need one.”  How right she was.

Reading the News in Print

     I started reading the local newspaper around the age of 12.   During my middle and high school years, I enjoyed reading articles that pertained to my school, organizations and events that revolved around youth, and of course, the comics.  As I grew into adulthood, the news took on a different significance.  Local and world politics, education and health issues, environmental and economic concerns, all started to attract my attention.  The media provides a plethora of opportunities to tune in, search, scan, and highlight breaking news. Top stories are readily available.  In the newspaper are stories presented  many of us might never see.  This is the value of the printed page.

    Local newspapers provide the community with information regarding schools, town government, religious, and social happenings.  They allow for in-depth reporting.  I acquire most information on local issues in this manner.  Social media and local internet sites provide some content, but it has yet to match the detail in the newspaper.  It is also presented in a timely manner so there are no last minute surprises regarding issues or items that need addressing.

   National and international stories are also included in the daily postings.  Television and the internet usually focus on the major issues of the day.  The newspaper is able to devote more time and space to stories that aren’t on the front burner.  I find it interesting and educational when I discover a new issue, place, or happening.  I can’t get all of that in one place on the computer.  On a day when I don’t get an opportunity to read the paper, I get an uneasy feeling that I might have missed something.

   The issue of accuracy of reporting also comes into play.  There have been many instances of false information being disseminated in an effort to be first.  “Exclusive” and “Breaking” are terms television news shows use often.  They say this as a method of punctuating the fact that they know something others don’t.  There have been many instances when the rush to be first led to the reporting of misinformation.  The newspaper doesn’t have the luxury of being first.  As a result, by the time the story is in print, most of the details have been examined and reported as fact.  There are times when a retraction or correction is required, but the overall track record is acceptable in terms of giving us the right information.

   More and more, newspapers are downsizing both physically and literally.  Some have gone completely over to a digital format.  Downward sales are blamed for the change.  Young people gravitate to interactive media and many never open a newspaper.   I don’t want to see a total demise in my lifetime.  I want to be able to read it while waiting in an office, at a coffeehouse, or on the train.   I want to enjoy the 20 minutes of quiet time as I eat lunch and catch up on the day.  I hope I will always be able to walk down the drive in the morning, and pick up that daily paper.  I wouldn’t want to start my day without it.

Hiding Behind a User Name

      I was taught if you can’t say something nice about a person, don’t say anything at all.  That rule of courtesy doesn’t always seem to apply for some when making comments online.  I have noticed many people, who speak in the harshest of tone, don’t use their real name. I understand privacy is an online right, but what is alarming is how vicious and close-minded some of the statements are.  If an individual feels they have the right to speak their minds, then they should be willing to identify themselves.   Hiding behind a user name is an excuse to spew out vile, mean, and ridiculous comments that only serve to offend, ridicule, and make fun of people or situations.

    What is interesting is the choice of some of these names.   Some name themselves after places or feelings.  Others use the names of fictional characters.  Others pick descriptive phrases that pertain to an issue or situation.  I am alarmed at what some of these hiders say when they are anonymous.  It is an insight into what people really think in society.  I don’t care that they have an opinion.  It doesn’t bother me if they say something I don’t agree with.  What I don’t like is the degree to which they will go to comment.   Individuals will rip apart the appearance, ethnic, racial, religion, or sexual orientation of people involved in the topic.  They will make hurtful or sarcastic remarks that have nothing to do with the issue being discussed.   Some users will actually engage in online road rage and go back and forth with insults.

     I have the choice not to read comments or participate in an online discussion.  What I wonder is how many of these people are adults with children.  Do they speak this way within earshot of their kids?  Are they having discussions with other adults thinking that their children aren’t listening?  Do they shout at the television or in the car when they see or hear something they don’t like?  Do they insult others on a regular basis?  Believe me, kids hear and see everything.  You make think they aren’t listening, but those little ears are taking it all in.

     I often tell my daughters that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and thoughts.  What some people like, others will not.  Everyone has the right to do what they choose as long as they don’t hurt anyone.  We often think about children and teenagers when discussing the topic of bullying.  In reality, it is around us all every day.  Society has to learn to listen, talk, share, and discuss issues without shouting, name-calling, and tearing into people with whom we disagree.  So much more could be accomplished, and more people would exist in a happier environment.  Try using your real name when making comments and it might make you think twice about what you really want to say.

A Change for 2013

      I never make New Year’s resolutions.  Losing weight, exercising, eating better, reading more, mastering some skill, etc., seem to me as things I should do anyway.  Whether I do them or not depends on my own will.  I can start and/or stop whenever I choose, so the thought of stating something I might or might not do doesn’t work for me.  This year however, is different.  The events of the past few months have made me seriously reconsider how I have been living my life, and what I can do to make it better.

     I have never been a “group” person.  I really never cared if people accepted me or not.  I could never understand why people would change themselves in order to conform.  It isn’t that I never had friends, rather I had many.  I would go off with different people at different times.  Most of the time it involved an activity or situation I found myself in.   In high school it revolved around classes or activities.  In college and grad school, l it revolved around courses and assignments.  In my young adulthood I tended to hang around with people who had similar musical tastes.  The people changed as the period of time changed.

     For 11 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom.  As most will agree, you spend a lot of time alone.  Once kids go off to school full-time, the time you spend alone increases substantially.   I didn’t really think much of it until lately.  The past few months have been filled with sad and difficult happenings for people I know, or live in my area.  My heart had started to feel heavy with each occurrence.  With all that I have personally lived through, nothing compared to the punch in the chest and gut that I felt from these events.  I was starting to lose hope in the world which was something I had never felt before.

     The past few weeks have been mind and eye-opening.  I have realized that it is comforting to be with people with whom you can talk, share, and laugh.  It is refreshing to the soul to spend time getting out and living life, even if its just getting your windshield repaired at a windshield replacement houston place.  Life goes on no matter what happens around you.  The ability to move on, stay positive, and find the good is what keeps us all going.  So, this year I have decided to find more opportunities to connect with others.  It might be finding a “group” that has my same interests.  Although I volunteer at the local school, I am looking for other opportunities to lend a hand.  I might even entertain the idea of finding a part-time job to offer my skills.  Whatever the outcome, the ability to connect, and once again have an active role in society is something I look forward to.  I’ll keep you posted.  Happy New Year.

Rachel, the Credit Scammer

Hello!  My name is Rachel.   There is nothing wrong with your credit card, but……

Who is Rachel and why does she keep calling?  Yes she will lower my credit rate as soon as I hand over all my personal information.  This woman gets around too.  She has called from numerous locations and phone numbers.  She is also persistent in her attempts to reach me.   In a short over the phone interview, she can aid in my financial situation.  Oh Rachel, please stop calling.  I know your game and I’m not falling for it.

How can it be that these credit scammers are able to exist for such a long period of time?  Are they really that techno savvy that they can eliminate all possible means of being detected?  I usually don’t answer these calls when I don’t recognize the name or number on the caller ID, but there have been times in which I have been fooled.  Once, the incoming call was identified as coming from Florida.  I was hesitant to pick up, but my mother-in-law lives in Florida and I didn’t want to take the chance that something had happened to her.  Of course, it was Rachel once again reassuring me about my credit.

These people prey on those who are having financial difficulties, or are just plain lonely.  They offer a kind, helpful voice that sounds sincere.   No matter how many warnings are reported, there are individuals who fall for the offer.  The ones that hurt people the most are the ones that ask for money upfront with the promise of a greater fortune in return.  As the old saying goes, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.   Many of these scams target the elderly making it all the more of a disgrace.  There have been reports of individuals masquerading as grandchildren or friends in immediate need of funds.  The money is wired, never to be seen again.

I had an aunt who was convinced that the woman who answered the phone for the Home Shopping Network knew her.  This isn’t a scam, but it operates on the idea of making someone feel good about the great bargain they are getting for their money.   My aunt would show me necklaces that had “real diamonds”.   Maybe they were, but you had to have a microscope to see them.  Most likely they were chips left over from cut diamonds, or pieces not used for the end of drill bits.   Aunt Mary didn’t spend a lot of money on these items, but she did believe that she had scored a big one.

In a time when much of the nation is suffering through an economic downturn, scams such as Rachel and friends are benefiting.   I am surprised that there aren’t more reports exposing their tactics.  The phrase “Buyer Beware” should be promoted on a greater level, and more should be done to track these vultures that bring harm and loss to people already surviving on a limited income.  This isn’t the kind of “help” they need.

The Disturbing Theme of Reality Television

The expense of television shows has increased to the point of being too costly to produce.  This is hard to swallow since about one-third of air time is now consumed by commercials.  In order to fill the numerous hours of viewing, reality television has taken over.  Talk shows, court dramas, and game shows now fill most of daytime.  At night, we are given a menu of choices involving people engaged in a lifestyle that for some reason, American people find vastly interesting.  My dismay with many of these shows is that there is a common thread in many of them.  What is it? Fighting.

TLC (which is known as The Learning Channel), Discovery, and Bravo were stations that started out showing quality entertainment.  Now hours are spent with Housewives, Dance Moms (major concern, more to come), The Kardashians (who cares?), Bethany and Mob Wives to mention just a few.  Throw in the Jersey shore, pregnant teens, Gordon Ramsey, and yelling reaches a new decibel level.  All these shows highlight disagreements which usually erupt into shouting, name calling, and finger-pointing.  Sometimes the arguments end in shoving, hair pulling, and punches being thrown. I also have a concern that many involve women behaving badly.  What is the worse part of all of this? Our children are watching.

No, I don’t watch these shows and I don’t let my children see them either.  But many young people are watching adults handle their lives in a manner that is unbelievably immature and inappropriate.  Is there any wonder that we have a major problem with bullying in this country?  The people in these shows behave like 12 year olds in the way they talk and behave.  They exhibit a lack of self-control and everything is me, me, and me.  In the “reality” of life, this type of behavior is not acceptable. There are better ways of dealing with people who we may disagree. The sad part is that these shows are popular and enjoyed by millions.  Why do so many enjoy watching people shout and fight?  What is it in our society that we find this entertaining?

More and more shows are starting to include fighting in their episodes.  This season The Amazing Race and Survivor showed more scenes in which the contestants are arguing and name calling.  Some have come right out and exclaimed their hatred for others competing.  Television may have become more expensive to produce but we don’t have to watch shows that are done so cheaply they degrade our behavior towards each other.  Life doesn’t need to be that ridiculous.

Letters from Mr. Reilly

When I was 18, my aunt took me on a three-day bus trip to Washington, D.C.   It was impressive as we visited the Washington Monument, the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials, and toured the White House.  We visited Mount Vernon, the Smithsonian, and the National Archives.  One night, we met my aunt’s former boss from RCA in New York City, Mr. Reilly.  He was retired, a widow, and had moved to D.C.  What started as a dinner, turned into years of correspondence.  Recently, I was given the chance to revisit the man, and his words.

My parents were cleaning out their house when they asked me to look over some of my “stuff”.  Among the items were diplomas (not what I would call “stuff’), old text books, pictures, and letters from my high school and college days.  A significant amount of the mailings were from Mr. Reilly.  He had been the Managing Editor at RCA.  He loved to write and loved words.  His letters often contained poems, commentaries on world affairs, and suggestions into careers he thought I should pursue.  He sent me periodicals on the environment, theatre, history, and writing.  His letters were often typed, but he would always add something handwritten.  There would be little drawings or doodles on the page, as if to give a picture to match his narrative,.  You had to read these letters more than once to truly appreciate his gift of words, and the message he was conveying.  Every college student loves receiving mail, and I was assured that Mr. Reilly would be a person who would write on a regular basis.

The Post Office raised the price of a stamp to 45 cents this year.  There is talk of closing offices and losing a day of delivery.  This is due to the decrease in the amount of first class mail.  As I go through these letters from the past, I wonder what people will have to hold, read, and remember as the years go by.  Does anyone print and keep emails?  Does anyone recognize the handwriting of an individual anymore?  Handwriting adds character to letters, and makes you somehow feel connected to a person who is no longer with us.   Will not writing letters make us lose our history?  Time will only tell.

In one letter, Mr. Reilly was dismayed by the number of newspapers that were no longer in print.  He predicted that computers would someday take over.  I wonder what he would think now if he saw more newspapers fold, more books offered on e-readers, and the art of letter writing gone by the wayside.  Reading his letters brought me back to specific period in my life.  It helped me remember what I was experiencing and thinking during those years.  Ironically, he often suggested that I find a way to write.  He believed in the power of words, and that much could be shared and lived through them.  I am glad that those letters have been found, that I still have them, and that I have the opportunity to remember Mr. Reilly.