The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Stereotyping Our Boys

                                                                                                                                                  

     During the holiday season, I had the opportunity to buy a shirt for an 8-year-old boy.   Having two daughters, this was a new experience for me.   Walk into any store selling clothes for girls, and you are instantly bombarded with bright colors, glitter, and sequins.  Many skirts are trimmed in tulle and almost all shirts have some grand graphic design.  Trying to find clothes that are more understated is a bit of a challenge.  So, when I walked into a couple of well-known stores catering to kids, I was surprised and ultimately a bit sadden when I saw what boys have to choose from.

     Let’s start with color.   Yes it is winter here in the Northeast, but all I saw was brown, dark blue, black, gray, and dark green.  The only other colors were burnt orange and mustard green.  I admit, the neon colors of girl’s clothes can be a bit overwhelming, but to be so drab was depressing.   Then I looked at the graphics on the shirts.   The only choices were either sports or pictures of heavy machinery.   Since this was going to be a donation, and I didn’t know the youngster, I was at a loss as to what would be appropriate.  I finally settled on the one shirt I found that had stripes.

      It got me thinking about the messages we send kids.  Do all little boys have to be involved or like sports?  It is great if they have the talent and ambition to play, but what if they don’t?  Do all have to like tractors, large truck, and backhoes?  Is there something wrong with them if they prefer other toys?  If you don’t think this is has an effect, think again.

     My daughter is in the chorus at school.  They are having a hard time getting boys to join.  Oh they are in the band, and a few are in the orchestra, but for some reason, chorus isn’t cool.   With all the discussion we have surrounding our girls…have we left our boys behind?  Does he have to worry that his peers will think lesser of him because he isn’t cut out for sports?   Can he like science and math without being called a geek?  What if he is more interested in art and music?  How long does it take before he realizes his potential?  High school?  Longer?  It has to start younger.

     Parents have to take the lead from their kids.  I have witnessed too many forcing their children to participate in activities that they are clearly not enjoying.  I have heard grown men yell at young boys to toughen up, shake it off, run faster, work harder.  I’m talking about little kids here, not high school or college athletes.  There is a fine line between encouraging children to do better, and belittling them when they don’t live up to expectations which are usually set too high.  If kids find something they can throw their heart and soul into, they will usually succeed without pressure from their parents.  They will never know what they are good at if not given the freedom to choose.

     I hope the little boy is wearing that striped shirt knows he doesn’t have to identify himself by a graphic.  He can grow up to be anything he wants and not have to wonder what others think.  He can join the chorus if he likes to sing.  He doesn’t have to play sports if he doesn’t want to.  He can do well academically without being called a nerd.   He should have the freedom to choose.  Just like our girls.

Life on a 2 inch Screen

     In my last post, I described my visit to Disney World.   One of the points I didn’t mentioned was before every show, an announcement was made that no recording or flash photography could take place during the performance.  It was music to my ears.  It seems in the past few years, everyone is recording every event that occurs in their lives.  This all started with the invention of the video camera.  Now with cell phones, iPads, YouTube and other social media, the world has become one giant movie.

     We waited for the parade in the Magic Kingdom one afternoon during our trip.  People were polite and courteous while standing along the road.  When the parade reached our area, a women standing next to me kept sticking her elbow in my side.  She had her iPad up in the air in order to record the whole parade.  In my passive aggressive way I refused to move over.  I’m sure she didn’t appreciate the clapping and calling out  of the names of characters as they went by, but I didn’t care.  I was enjoying the moment with my kids and wasn’t going to stifle my fun for someone documenting their entire day.

     Before we had kids, and had two incomes, my husband and I went on a cruise to Alaska.  The only way to get from location to location is by boat or air since the state does not have many roads of connection.  We noticed that while the boat was moving, the crowds were nowhere to be seen.  It was us and about 12 other people wearing parkas observing the wonderful landscape.  When the boat stopped, the people came out of the casino, the pools, and the food and play areas, and took sudden interest in the sites.  At the time video cameras were the means of recording, and they came out in force.  Tripods were set up, people jockeyed for the best position, and it was taped for remembrance.  When the show was over, the people disappeared.  My husband commented that that those people were experiencing Alaska through a 2 inch screen.

     I often wonder what children think when their parents tell them what to do for the camera.  Many times they want a reenactment of something a child did spontaneously. They tell them not only what to do or say, but how to do it.  Most kids I know don’t repeat what you want them to do when asked.  This causes many parents to become exasperated because they can’t capture that precious moment.  Maybe these kids are onto something.  I remember a movie called Truman starring Jim Carrey.  Unbeknownst to Truman, his whole life was being monitored, and a live feed was blasted across televisions nationwide.  Everything around him was set-up to provide the drama.  People, buildings, and events, were planned to create a kind of documentary reality show.  When Truman found out, he walked out and said goodbye.

     I have a video camera.  I film my kids a few times a year.  Most of it takes place the backyard, or the house of mine and other family members.  I don’t feel like I can fully experience what is going on around me if I have to keep focus through a screen.  So much time during the total happening is lost.  I know I am old school, but I prefer still photography.  There is something captured in a moment that I find quite satisfying.  A facial expression, the time of day, the surroundings, the people grouped together, the memory of time and place.  It is nice to have some photos and videos as remembrance, but the best movie of all is the one that plays out in our heads.  The memories we hold of loved ones, events, and life in general.  My grandmother said it best.  Once at a wedding, she couldn’t get over the number of photos that were being taken.  She commented…”All these pictures.  You only need one.”  How right she was.

I Went to Disney World!

     A few weeks ago, during the April school break, my family went to Disney World.   Many families we know have already been, some multiple times.   For us the timing never seemed to be right, and we wanted to wait until both of our girls were old enough to handle the whole experience.  This year the schedules lined up, and we went.  I have never been before and didn’t really know what to expect.  I now understand why they call it the happiest place on earth.

   I booked the plane tickets last summer.  Flying out of the northeast during spring break made this essential.  We decided not to stay in the park.  I know, I know….people say this is a mistake but we had our reasons.  First, my youngest daughter has an internal alarm clock which wakes her up at 6 A.M. no matter how late she stays up the night before.  I knew there was no way we would be up until 10:30 to see fireworks.  Second, the cost of the trip drops significantly by staying outside the park.  I got a great deal through Costco for lodging, tickets to the park, and a car.  We had a 2 bath, 2 bedroom timeshare, with a kitchen, laundry, pools, and other activities.  We were close to the parks, but came home every day to peace and quiet.

     I didn’t plan for the entire year as so many say you have to do.  We decided what we definitely wanted to do, and what we could skip, but I didn’t have an itinerary for every minute. We also decided we could live without character meals and princess spas.  My days of be anxious and worried are over.  We didn’t find it hard to get around, or have the time to do what we wanted.  I think you actually have more fun if you aren’t so worked up about where you need to be. I am also glad that my kids were not so young as to become overly tired, and overwhelmed with the crowd, the volume at the shows, the walking, and the heat.

    We went to the parks 4 days.  We went once to Hollywood Studios, twice to the Magic Kingdom, and once to Animal Kingdom.  We decided Epcot will be visited on a future trip. Going to Disney provides a great opportunity for observing human behavior.  They have crowd control down to a science. Parking lots are not filled with people trying to find the nearest spot.  You drive in and they have you park in an orderly manner.  No choice, no stopping, pull in, get out, and walk to the tram.  Lines for rides and shows have wait times posted.  If you decide to wait, you walk along the maze.  The fact that it keeps moving makes you feel like you are getting somewhere which eliminates the frustration many feel in traffic jams.  The staff is friendly and helpful.  Everyone is smiling which is infectious.  Imagine having pleasant conversations with strangers all day.  Imagine how society could benefit from that.

     The rides are what most people talk about, but the exhibits, shows, characters in the street, parades, marching bands add so much to the experience.  Some is educational, some is pure fun.  The second day in the Magic Kingdom brought back so much of my childhood when Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy were the only characters we knew.  Music, laughs, and stories come to life.  It all lifts the spirit and leaves you looking for more.

     It happened to be the week of the Boston Marathon bombings.  Many people from the northeast had the incident in the back of their minds.  It reminded us that it is important to have experiences that are fun-filled and happy.  It is important to create memories that will last a life time, and that time spent with family will never be forgotten.  My kids had a wonderful time, and my husband and I enjoyed seeing Disney through their eyes.  For one glorious week, the world around us was totally happy.

A Closet Full of Memories

     I was 7 months pregnant, and had a 2 year old when we bought our present home.   My vow not to accumulate piles of stuff evaporated once I had a baby, a toddler, and 4 pets to look after.  That was 8 years ago.  Into my closet I stored away, clothes, cameras, important papers, cards, crafts, old tickets to shows, and various other items I deemed necessary to keep.   Finally, this week, I decided to clean out the mess it had become.

     I have no problem getting rid of clothes and shoes.  There are items that I haven’t worn in about 10 years.  Most are terribly outdated.   Some I just don’t wear, so the various piles of donating and throwing out are being made.  Looking at these old clothes reminds me of what I was doing at the time, and places I have been, but the memories are in my head and don’t need to be worn.   They say if you haven’t put it on in 2 years, get rid of it.  Consider it done.  I’ve gone from “Maybe I will wear it sometime.” to “You know you are never going to wear it.”

     Next on the list is paper.  This is a major problem for me.   Lately I have been better, but I tend to let papers pile up.   I have old bills for items I bought or had serviced.   I have receipts for when I bought my car and when it was maintained.  I have old bank statements for accounts I closed years ago.  I have outdated papers regarding my teaching certification.  Since social security numbers are printed on just about everything, the shredder is working overtime.  The satisfaction is seeing the piles of these papers disappear.  Yes, I remember the day I bought that car.  Yes, I remember how I worked to maintain my teaching credentials.  It all seems like a lifetime ago, but I remember.

     Other items are more personal in nature.  My wedding dress and cards that we were given.  I have a collection of old cameras that I want to keep.  Pictures and ticket stubs to events I attended.  Items I picked up on trips.  Purses, tote bags, and hats which are unique and actually used.  These I will keep, but I will seriously have to think about purchasing anything similar when it catches my eye.  Do I really need for more to end up in the closet?

     Lastly, and with more difficulty, are the papers that involve my children.  I have cards sent when they were born.  I have papers from the hospital.  I have everything they made in preschool and kindergarten in my closet.  (First grade on is somewhere else.)  I have piles of photos of when they were babies.  Looking back, I wonder where the time has gone.  They were so little and now my oldest is 11.  Her sister is 8.  Those years of early childhood…gone.   Yet they still have so much growing to do.  I am enjoying this age of being able to have a discussion with them.  I enjoy watching their interests and skills develop.  The best part about seeing those old photos, crafts they made and stories they wrote, is that it all makes me smile.  I don’t know if I am going to be able to part with any of it.  I think I’ll be making some scrapbooks very soon.  Until then..shhhhh…I’ll keep it all in the closet.

Should Children Use an E-Reader?

Image by your neighborhood librarian via Flickr

Article first published as Should Children Use an E-Reader? on Technorati.

 Last week I went to Barnes and Noble.   As I approached the back of the store, I noticed a big display promoting The Nook for children.  For some reason, this didn’t sit well with me.  It’s not that I have anything against electronic readers.  I bought one for my husband on his birthday.  He often travels for work, and in the past has been at the mercy of the airport to find something to read.  With the Kindle, he can download books to read for long plane rides.  He can pack and carry it conveniently.   The difference is he is an adult.  For children, I believe actually holding a book with pages and pictures holds much more value.

When my older daughter was a baby, we had a number of board books in the house.  She would pick them up, look at the pictures, put them in her mouth, and asked to hear the same stories over and over.  We started going to the library when she was able to walk.  This opened up a whole new world of children’s authors.  Some became such favorites we read everything they wrote.  This would not have happened without the opportunity to browse the stacks. 

 My younger daughter has been going to the library from birth.  She too enjoyed the large picture books and had her favorites as well.  The library also had story hours which added to their enjoyment.  Thankfully both my girls are good readers, but I have to believe that this was caused by the love of those picture books.  Now at ages 9 and 7, the library is one of their favorite places.

Books don’t have to be expensive.  You can find them at library book fairs, thrift shops, tag sales, etc.  It is still special when child gets a new book.  It is satisfying to see them curled up on the couch reading.  It is something to hear them tell you what is happening in the latest chapter book they are enjoying. It is such an important skill and one that needs to be fostered.

I know kids love electronics.  In some cases an e-reader might encourage them to read more.  I am all for finding new ways to help children learn.  I just wonder why everything has to look like a game or be interactive.  I don’t think an electronic device will ever replace books for children, and I don’t think they should.

Behind the Wheel

Image via Wikipedia

     Watch out America.  There is a terror on our roads.  It isn’t a teenager who just got their license.  It isn’t senior citizens driving 40 mph on the interstate.   No, it isn’t tractor trailer trucks trying to get their shipment delivered on time.   What is it?  It is a mom that is running late.   A mom who has her kids strapped into safety seats as required by law.  They are headed for school, an appointment, or an activity.   The late mom loses all common sense, and is on a mission to get her kids to their destination as soon as possible.  I have one request.  Please don’t put the safety of my children at risk while you cut 5 minutes off your drive.

     I started noticing this once I had my own kids.  There are bad drivers everywhere.  Tailgaters, speeders, wrong turns, going through stop lights, texting, etc.  What surprises me is that parents would behave in such a reckless manner.  I have been followed so closely, I can read their lips.  I can see the panic on their faces.  Oh my, they are late.  How awful.  Let’s run down everyone in our way so that we can get to dance, swim class, baseball, or karate.  

   The school parking lot is not much better.  Upon arriving, they park anywhere, and run into the school.  They will block in 5 other cars to park.  They have to get into the school now.  Never mind that the staff doesn’t let anyone leave without a note and an adult identified as the pick-up person.  The lot is filled with pint-sized human beings who aren’t always readily visible.  They bop between cars, hide behind adults, and more often than not, are walking to the wrong car. 

   At activities, the late mom will barrel into the parking lot and stop with the precision of a race car driver.  They fly into the parking lot, pull their kid out of the car, and run to the class.  Sorry, but missing 5 minutes of a dance class for preschoolers is not the end of the world.  The water will still be in the pool for the swim class.  The team will let you join in the game when you get there.  It isn’t worth the anxiety and stress.

   What concerns me most is that parents are carrying precious cargo.  I don’t understand why the safety of their children or others is not on their minds.  A larger vehicle doesn’t provide instant protection.  Any type of accident can cause injury.  Anybody can run into a small child in a parking lot.  I hope I never witness this.  Please slow down.  Give yourself the time necessary to get to your destination safely.  The consequences are not worth it.