The World’s First Popular Nerd

    

      My twelve-year-old daughter Tessa recently had an interesting conversation with a classmate who happens to be male.

Classmate:  You know Tessa; you’re like the world’s first popular nerd.

Tessa:  What do you mean by that?

Classmate:  Well…it’s kind of like you’re a geek…no offense….

Tessa:  I’m not offended by that.

Classmate:…but everybody likes you!

     We laughed when she told me the story, but later I realized how insightful this dialogue was for both parties.

     The idea that someone could like school and work hard, provokes images of the stereotypical bookworm holed up in a corner.  He or she is the loner with no friends and no interests other than academics.  A person wearing thick glasses with frames out of the 1950s, and who talks in a nasal sounding voice. Perpetuating these images, especially in the media, reinforces the idea that kids can’t enjoy learning, strive towards excellence, or take on challenges and still be a normal kid.   The young man quoted above saw that none of those concepts applied to my daughter, and it made him think about the image and personality of a “geek.”

     Before my daughter started middle school, I explained that kids will start changing and not everyone will want to be her friend.  Groups begin to form, stereotypes develop, and minor forms of bullying might occur.   She has handled the transition extremely well.  She does not let words define who she is, and is comfortable in her own skin.  She explained she is actually proud to be a geek, but she also loves to dance, sing, watch movies, and play outdoors.  She isn’t “popular” in the way most of us remember from our school days, but rather because she is helpful, kind, and always has a smile on her face.  She is happy for the success of others, and does not possess feelings of envy.  She sees the good in everything.

     We hear so many stories about children who are depressed, lonely, and don’t feel good about themselves.  Maybe it is time to stop portraying people in singular categories and understand that as humans we are multifaceted.  We all have good qualities and different personalities.  Instead of focusing just on bullying, we need to teach acceptance and kindness.   We need to make kids realize that everyone is different and unique. It takes more than one word to be defined.  The world needs more “firsts” of their kind.

Adults Teach Bullying

There are members of the Republican Party pressuring Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey to run for President.   I am an unaffiliated voter.  I usually decide who to vote for based on who I believe will be the best leader for our country.  I give all candidates a fair chance after I have listened to their platform of thoughts and ideas.  So far I know nothing about Chris Christie except that he has a weight problem.  That is putting it nicely compared to some of the words used by comedians and political pundits.  As I listen and read these comments, I can’t help but think that these adults are engaging in a blatant form of bullying. 

There is much in the news lately of young people being bullied in school, the playground, and the internet.  We are appalled that such behavior takes place and call on legislators to produce acts that involve consequences for those who engage in and create  these painful situations.  I am surprised that in this climate,  adults have resorted to same tactics as children who need to be taught better.  If this was the workforce, charges of discrimination or harassment would be filed.  Audiences laugh when words like “fat” are used.   Is this what we are teaching our kids?

Politicians are now using the “weight” card to discredit a potential candidate.  This is a new low in the seemingly endless ways that parties try to sway voters.  It is disgraceful and does nothing but continue to turn off voters such as myself.  I wonder how many people of intelligence, common sense, and ingenuity; decide not to enter the arena in order to avoid such scrutiny for themselves and their families.

We cannot expect children to grow up to be tolerant, accepting, and empathetic if we do not model these traits ourselves.  We need to stop hurtful words and acts from a very early age and act as a moral compass when it comes to teaching kindness towards others.  I hope the focus on Chris Christie’s weight gives way to his record and ideas on how to run the country.  That is all that I want and need to hear.

The Anger of a Second Grade Boy

        I saw a story this morning on GMA about a second grade boy in Colorado, whose behavior was so violent, the police had to be called.  He had been spitting, throwing chairs, and swearing.  He told his teachers that he was going to kill them and was holding a sharp knife-like piece of wood.  His reaction towards the police was the same at which point they decided to use pepper spray on the child.  When his mother arrived she was horrified that her son had been treated this way, and filed a complaint against the police department.  The reaction to this story had been overwhelming.  Many are choosing sides as to who is wrong or right.  I think the situation is a little more complex than that. 

     He is in a class for children with behavioral issues.  His mother claims he only has problems at school.  Elizabeth Vargas, who has small children herself, tried to get this child to admit that his behavior was out of control.  He held back a bit and seemed like he really didn’t understand why it was so bad.  His mother feels excessive force was used.  Not being in the situation at the time we can only speculate what occurred.  But, the school has a commitment to provide a safe environment for all.  This is where we run into problems.

    There are many kids who cause disruptions in the classroom.  The attention all seems to focus on those one or two individuals and not on the climate of the entire room.  Where do the rights of the kids who behave come in?  How can a teacher be responsible for the learning and safety of all when these situations arise?  I find it interesting that these are the issues that create the most action by parents.  Right away they are in the office.  Right away they are seeking lawyers.  They don’t see that there is a much bigger problem in front of their eyes.

    This little boy is a ticking time bomb.  It will only be a matter of time before he hurts himself or others.  The focus should be on getting him the right kind of help he needs while he is still young.  There is something bothering him.  He seems to be deeply troubled.  This isn’t about the police, the school, or the teachers. The story has created much publicity, but I feel those closest to him need to put their energy into the child and let the other concerns rest.  I wish him well.

The Subtle Start of Bullying

    For a few weeks, I noticed that my 6-year-old was not eating her lunch.  She was bringing home her sandwich with only two bites taken out of it.  When I asked her why she had not eaten, she would only say that she didn’t have enough time.  I know sometimes they get to the cafeteria a little late, but I couldn’t believe that she would have no time to eat at all.  One day, I pushed a little harder with my questioning, and a completely different scenario started to rear its ugly head.

   She has always talked about this group of girls known as “The Ten Girls”.  Mostly they were girls from another class who decided to form a club.  This did not concern me as it happens regularly in school.  My older daughter has seen clubs come and go.  I am not one of those parents who worries if my child in not accepted by everyone, as long as she is able to function in any given environment.  What was happening is that these girls were taking over a number of tables in the cafeteria.  If you were not a member of their club, you could not sit at the table even if there were empty seats.

   My daughter and her little friend are too quiet at school to say anything.  They were going from table to table to find a place to sit.  By that time, lunch was over.  I contacted the teacher who immediately handled the problem.  I could not have been more pleased, and sent a note of thanks the next day.  My daughter and her friend now had a place to sit and eat, and other girls were now sitting at the table with them.  This made her extremely happy. 

   I cannot get over how this kind of behavior is happening at such a young age.  There is much in the news about young people deeply affected by bullying.  It has now become a national issue with the President and First Lady promoting an anti-bullying agenda.  I think the subtle start of this is happening as early as the first grade.  It might seem harmless, but it can lead to bigger issues later on.  How do they learn to get up into someone’s face and tell him or her that they are not wanted?  Where do they learn that it is ok to exclude someone from a right?  I think parents need to wake up.  I don’t think it is acceptable for children to learn that their behavior is always correct.  Many a time I have explained to my own children that what they are saying is inappropriate.  It is my responsibility to point this out to them.

   My 6-year-old has been slow in her social growth.  I changed preschools when she was four, and have enrolled her in activities that she seems to enjoy.  Every year, with the help of some wonderful teachers, she is gaining more confidence.  Academically she is strong.  This has been her saving grace.  The trick will now be to prevent some of her peers from working against this progress.

The Subtle Start of Bullying

    For a few weeks, I noticed that my 6-year-old was not eating her lunch.  She was bringing home her sandwich with only two bites taken out of it.  When I asked her why she had not eaten, she would only say that she didn’t have enough time.  I know sometimes they get to the cafeteria a little late, but I couldn’t believe that she would have no time to eat at all.  One day, I pushed a little harder with my questioning, and a completely different scenario started to rear its ugly head.

   She has always talked about this group of girls known as “The Ten Girls”.  Mostly they were girls from another class who decided to form a club.  This did not concern me as it happens regularly in school.  My older daughter has seen clubs come and go.  I am not one of those parents who worries if my child in not accepted by everyone, as long as she is able to function in any given environment.  What was happening is that these girls were taking over a number of tables in the cafeteria.  If you were not a member of their club, you could not sit at the table even if there were empty seats.

   My daughter and her little friend are too quiet at school to say anything.  They were going from table to table to find a place to sit.  By that time, lunch was over.  I contacted the teacher who immediately handled the problem.  I could not have been more pleased, and sent a note of thanks the next day.  My daughter and her friend now had a place to sit and eat, and other girls were now sitting at the table with them.  This made her extremely happy. 

   I cannot get over how this kind of behavior is happening at such a young age.  There is much in the news about young people deeply affected by bullying.  It has now become a national issue with the President and First Lady promoting an anti-bullying agenda.  I think the subtle start of this is happening as early as the first grade.  It might seem harmless, but it can lead to bigger issues later on.  How do they learn to get up into someone’s face and tell him or her that they are not wanted?  Where do they learn that it is ok to exclude someone from a right?  I think parents need to wake up.  I don’t think it is acceptable for children to learn that their behavior is always correct.  Many a time I have explained to my own children that what they are saying is inappropriate.  It is my responsibility to point this out to them.

   My 6-year-old has been slow in her social growth.  I changed preschools when she was four, and have enrolled her in activities that she seems to enjoy.  Every year, with the help of some wonderful teachers, she is gaining more confidence.  Academically she is strong.  This has been her saving grace.  The trick will now be to prevent some of her peers from working against this progress.

The Subtle Start of Bullying

    For a few weeks, I noticed that my 6-year-old was not eating her lunch.  She was bringing home her sandwich with only two bites taken out of it.  When I asked her why she had not eaten, she would only say that she didn’t have enough time.  I know sometimes they get to the cafeteria a little late, but I couldn’t believe that she would have no time to eat at all.  One day, I pushed a little harder with my questioning, and a completely different scenario started to rear its ugly head.

   She has always talked about this group of girls known as “The Ten Girls”.  Mostly they were girls from another class who decided to form a club.  This did not concern me as it happens regularly in school.  My older daughter has seen clubs come and go.  I am not one of those parents who worries if my child in not accepted by everyone, as long as she is able to function in any given environment.  What was happening is that these girls were taking over a number of tables in the cafeteria.  If you were not a member of their club, you could not sit at the table even if there were empty seats.

   My daughter and her little friend are too quiet at school to say anything.  They were going from table to table to find a place to sit.  By that time, lunch was over.  I contacted the teacher who immediately handled the problem.  I could not have been more pleased, and sent a note of thanks the next day.  My daughter and her friend now had a place to sit and eat, and other girls were now sitting at the table with them.  This made her extremely happy. 

   I cannot get over how this kind of behavior is happening at such a young age.  There is much in the news about young people deeply affected by bullying.  It has now become a national issue with the President and First Lady promoting an anti-bullying agenda.  I think the subtle start of this is happening as early as the first grade.  It might seem harmless, but it can lead to bigger issues later on.  How do they learn to get up into someone’s face and tell him or her that they are not wanted?  Where do they learn that it is ok to exclude someone from a right?  I think parents need to wake up.  I don’t think it is acceptable for children to learn that their behavior is always correct.  Many a time I have explained to my own children that what they are saying is inappropriate.  It is my responsibility to point this out to them.

   My 6-year-old has been slow in her social growth.  I changed preschools when she was four, and have enrolled her in activities that she seems to enjoy.  Every year, with the help of some wonderful teachers, she is gaining more confidence.  Academically she is strong.  This has been her saving grace.  The trick will now be to prevent some of her peers from working against this progress.